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Do you prefer to be a team leader or a team member? Use details and examples to support your explanation v.1

Do you prefer to be a team leader or a team member? Use details and examples to support your explanation v. 1
It is often argued that giving advice is necessary to resolve many issues in other’s life. Some people might think that it is more useful to receive advice from seniors than collecting it from juniors. Although some young people are clever, I strongly agree that it is better to get advice from old people. This essay will address in terms of advice with some opinions and examples. First of all, wise advice comes from plentiful experiences. The majority of elderly people have many experiences about the life because they live more than young people which means they are more mature. For example, when juniors struggle some ordinary problems such considering cars to purchase, seniors can give them the good recommendations because they already know how to buy cars affordably so it is helpful to choose easily for young people. Therefore, having many experiences make people wise. Moreover, old people are smarter than young people mostly. In spite of the fact that youth people are pure senior people are more genius because of the higher level of education. For instance, most university students are more knowledgeable than youth such as elementary school students because they spend much time for education. Furthermore, the university students can give suggestions to younger people like how to answer the questions logically. This could be also great part of giving advice. In conclusion, sometimes the age is not important when it comes to giving advice. However, I assume that old people are more appropriate than young people about suggesting recommendations, so we cannot ignore the age.
It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
argued that giving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advice
is necessary to resolve
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
issues in other’s life.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
might
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that it is more useful to receive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advice
from seniors than collecting it from juniors. Although
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are clever, I
strongly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that it is better to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advice
from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. This essay will address in terms of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advice
with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
opinions and examples.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, wise
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advice
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
from plentiful experiences. The majority of elderly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
experiences about the life
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
more than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
which means they are more mature.
For example
, when juniors struggle
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
ordinary problems such considering cars to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
, seniors can give them the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
recommendations
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they already know how to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
cars
affordably
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
it is helpful to choose
easily
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
Therefore
, having
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
experiences
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
wise.

Moreover
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are smarter than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
mostly
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
In spite of
the fact that youth
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are pure senior
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are more genius
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the higher level of education.
For instance
, most university students are more knowledgeable than youth such as elementary school students
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they spend much time for education.
Furthermore
, the university students can give suggestions to younger
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
like how to answer the questions
logically
. This could be
also
great part of giving advice.

In conclusion
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
the age is not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
when it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
to giving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advice
.
However
, I assume that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are more appropriate than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
about suggesting recommendations,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
we cannot
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ignore
the age.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Do you prefer to be a team leader or a team member? Use details and examples to support your explanation v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
260 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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