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Some people think that the government is wasting money on the arts and that this money could be better spent elsewhere. To what extent do you agree with this view? v.14

Some people think that the government is wasting money on the arts and that this money could be better spent elsewhere. v. 14
It is argued that spending money on art is not useful, and ıt should be spent elsewhere. I compeletely disagree with this and think that art has numerous benefits on people and ıt reflects the development of humanity. There are various effects of art on people. Firstly, because people have the ability of thinking and feeling, they need art to transfer their emotions and thoughts. For example, music, a form of art, has been used by people for years to express and share their feelings with others such as love, hate and longing. Secondly, art is the most significant tool for people' s mental and spritual health, owing to the reason that ıt gıves pleasure and comfort. For instance, according to a report publıshed by Science, weekly magazine in UK, people listening to classical music have been found to show less stress symptoms. Finally, It is true that people benefit from art in different ways and due to this reason, decreasing the money spent on art can be hazardous for people's emotional development. On the other hand, In addition to its benefits to people, art also provides information the progress of humans from the beginning of the world to today. Today, archaeologists believe that all the works which is exhibited in museums are a symbol of art such as cave paintings or crockeries. Therefore I think that arts is the most precious branch to spend money. Instead of abating the money spent for art, goverment must take steps ın order to support to craft and craftsman. In conclusion, art has various crucial impacts on indiviuals well-being and ın terms of giving ınformation about the progress of people. Thus, governments should continue to spend money on art events or even support them more.
It
is argued
that spending
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
is not useful, and
Possible spelling mistake found.
ıt
should
be spent
elsewhere. I
Possible spelling mistake found.
compeletely
disagree with this and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
has numerous benefits on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and
Possible spelling mistake found.
ıt
reflects the development of humanity.

There are various effects of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
Firstly
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have the ability of thinking and feeling, they need
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
to transfer their emotions and thoughts.
For example
, music, a form of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
, has been
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
for years to express and share their feelings with others such as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
, hate and longing.
Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
is the most significant tool for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
' s mental and
Possible spelling mistake found.
spritual
health, owing to the reason that
Possible spelling mistake found.
ıt
Possible spelling mistake found.
gıves
pleasure and comfort.
For instance
, according to a report
Possible spelling mistake found.
publıshed
by Science, weekly magazine in UK,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
listening to classical music have
been found
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
less
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
symptoms.
Finally
, It is true that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
benefit from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
ways and due to this reason, decreasing the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
spent on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
can be hazardous for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's emotional development.

On the other hand
,
In addition
to its benefits to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
also
provides information the progress of humans from the beginning of the world to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Today
, archaeologists believe that all the works which
is exhibited
in museums are a symbol of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
such as cave paintings or
Possible spelling mistake found.
crockeries
.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Therefore
I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
is the most precious branch to spend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
.
Instead
of abating the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
spent for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
goverment
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
take steps
Possible spelling mistake found.
ın
order to support to craft and craftsman.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
has various crucial impacts on
Possible spelling mistake found.
indiviuals
well-being and
Possible spelling mistake found.
ın
terms of giving
Possible spelling mistake found.
ınformation
about the progress of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
Thus
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
should continue to spend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
or even support them more.
13Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
27Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
14Mistakes
The joy of knowing a foreign language is inexpressible. I find it really difficult to express such joy in my mother tongue.
Munia Khan

IELTS essay Some people think that the government is wasting money on the arts and that this money could be better spent elsewhere. v. 14

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
292 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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