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More and more people are buying items on the internet and from magazines or catalogs. Other people prefer shopping in the store. Which do you prefer and why? v.2

More and more people are buying items on the internet and from magazines or catalogs. Other people prefer shopping in the store. Which do you prefer and why? v. 2
Universities are considered as a hub of knowledge and experience at all levels. Students from a young age aspire to join professional institutes for better career paths, social exposure and enhancement of skills. In my opinion, It is very important to join universities because it improves our degrees not only to excel in the competitive markets but also trains individuals' to handle different people and situations. First and foremost, the job market nowadays requires highly skilled professionals. Who have vast experience and relevant degrees. By joining the right universities, students opt for the right courses and prepare themselves for the future occupations in demand. This is to say, by learning about the current job trends in the institutes by well trained teachers and under the right guidance these students get ready to compete in the real world. For instance, in the US every year, 45% of Harvard graduates are offered jobs by the leading organizations as soon as they finish their studies. Secondly, many professions require constant improvement in the knowledge area. That is to say, the Medical science, where there are new inventions and discoveries almost every year. Doctors join respective colleges to increase their expertise in their fields and to do researches. To illustrate, I am a neurosurgeon and i just joined a medical facility to work on my upcoming thesis about the possible cure of 'Alzheimers disease'. Therefore, it is of utmost importance that students go for higher education in prestigious colleges and universities in order to be successful because, knowledge has no limits and boundaries and is a continuous process. To conclude, people join colleges and universities for a chance of better jobs, better social exposure and for greater learning. I am a strong supporter of this choice and take professional institutes as the essence of a successful society.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Universities
are considered
as a hub of knowledge and experience at all levels.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Students
from a young age aspire to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
join
professional institutes for better career paths, social exposure and enhancement of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
. In my opinion, It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
join
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
universities
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improves
our degrees not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
to excel in the competitive markets
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
trains individuals' to handle
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
and situations.

First
and foremost, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
market nowadays requires
highly
skilled professionals. Who have vast experience and relevant degrees. By joining the right
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
universities
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
opt for the right courses and prepare themselves for the future occupations in demand. This is to say, by learning about the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
trends in the institutes by
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
well trained
teachers and under the right guidance these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
ready to compete in the real world.
For instance
, in the US every year, 45% of Harvard graduates
are offered
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
by the leading organizations as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
as they finish their studies.

Secondly
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
professions require constant improvement in the knowledge area.
That is
to say, the Medical science, where there are new inventions and discoveries almost every year. Doctors
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
join
respective colleges to increase their expertise in their fields and to do researches. To illustrate, I am a neurosurgeon and
Is this the personal pronoun "I"? It is spelled uppercase.
i
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
joined
a medical facility to work on my upcoming thesis about the possible cure of '
Possible spelling mistake found.
Alzheimers
disease'.
Therefore
, it is of utmost importance that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
go for higher education in prestigious colleges and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
universities
in order to be successful
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
, knowledge has no limits and boundaries and is a continuous process.

To conclude
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
join
colleges and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
universities
for a chance of better
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
, better social exposure and for greater learning. I am a strong supporter of this choice and take professional institutes as the essence of a successful society.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
With languages, you are at home anywhere.
Edward De Waal

IELTS essay More and more people are buying items on the internet and from magazines or catalogs. Other people prefer shopping in the store. Which do you prefer and why? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
303 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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