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more and more people are buying items on the internet and from magazines or catalogs. other prefer shopping in a store, which do you prefer and why? v.3

more and more people are buying items on the internet and from magazines or catalogs. other prefer shopping in a store, which do you prefer and why? v. 3
Owing to the advance developments in Science and Technologies, people tend to migrate to seek for a better opportunity. I agree that Immigration plays a vital role in the society. This essay focusses on the impacts, cause and consequences of immigration on the society. Firstly, not all locals in the society welcome migrants. They tend to fear that their jobs will be taken away by outsiders. This can be often observed in urban areas than cities where companies are less. On the other hand population in the cities is rising due to immigration and it creates a greater demand in meeting basic needs. For example, house and commercial stores rents are soaring quite often and food prices have gone up at the restaurants. Secondly, the water is turning out to be a potential problem as local councils are unable to meet the demand and people have to rely on private suppliers whose prices are not regulated by government. Traffic in the metro cities is a major concern for daily commuters and this is never ending problem in cities despite having a good infrastructure. Countries like US and Canada have car pool and HOV lanes on highways to reduce congestion. However, at peak hours it still remains a burden to local transport authorities to regulate and streamline the traffic. Finally, in most nations since industries are not widespread across the country, migrants target only few cities which lead to adverse effects in above said areas. Another major impact is that migrants try to settle in the country and bring their dependents permanently. This creates a hatred among locals and at times domestic violence and other harassments are observed in few countries. To conclude, unless government takes adequate measures to control the immigration, this seems to be a pressing issue in most of the developed countries. Migrants should also take responsibility in restricting their family sponsorships.
Owing to the advance developments in Science and Technologies,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
tend to migrate to seek for a better opportunity. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Immigration
plays a vital role in the society. This essay
Possible spelling mistake. 'focusses' is British English.
focusses
on the impacts, cause and consequences of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
immigration
on the society.

Firstly
, not all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
locals
in the society welcome
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
migrants
. They tend to fear that their jobs will
be taken
away by outsiders. This can be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
observed in urban areas than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
where
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
are less.
On the other hand
population in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
is rising due to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
immigration
and it creates a greater demand in meeting basic needs.
For example
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
and commercial stores rents are soaring quite
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
and food prices have gone up at the restaurants.

Secondly
, the water is turning out to be a potential problem as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
councils are unable to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
the demand and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
rely on private suppliers whose prices are not regulated by
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
. Traffic in the metro
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
is a major concern for daily commuters and this is never ending problem in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
despite having a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
infrastructure.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Countries
like US and Canada have car pool and HOV lanes on highways to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
congestion.
However
, at peak hours it
still
remains a burden to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
transport authorities to regulate and streamline the traffic.

Finally
, in most nations since industries are not widespread across the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
migrants
target
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
few
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
which lead to adverse effects in above said areas. Another major impact is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
migrants
try to settle in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
and bring their dependents
permanently
. This creates a hatred among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
locals
and at times domestic violence and other
Possible spelling mistake found.
harassments
are observed
in few countries.

To conclude
, unless
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
takes adequate measures to control the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
immigration
, this seems to be a pressing issue in most of the developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Migrants
should
also
take responsibility in restricting their family sponsorships.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
A foreign language is like a frail, delicate muscle. If you do not use it, it weakens.
Jhumpa Lahiri

IELTS essay more and more people are buying items on the internet and from magazines or catalogs. other prefer shopping in a store, which do you prefer and why? v. 3

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
314 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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