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TPO18(independent)Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Students are more influenced by their teachers than by their friends. v.2

TPO18(independent) Students are more influenced by their teachers than by their friends. v. 2
It is a highly debated issue whether students are more influenced by their teachers or by their friends and this topic can be approached from several angles due to its complexity. Apart from few people who hold the view that teachers are very influential on students' behavior, almost everyone would agree that students' friends play an important role on their future characteristics. Deeply deliberating over the issue, I believe that friends are more influential on each other and following discussion reveals my stand and justification. To commence, my first subtle point requires to be mentioned is that, actually the duration of time when people are counteracting with each other has a direct effect on the amount of influences they would have on each other. As students spend most of their times with their friends, consequently they would have influenced each other to a large extent in comparison to teachers who have a limited time in class which has to be dedicated to all students of the class. Other substantial reason that can be taken into consideration is that friends have a lot common with each other, for example they have similar ages, their situations are close to one another and sometimes their sexes are identical; therefore, they can understand each other very well. Notwithstanding, the teachers' duty is to teach some specific topics to their students and they cannot go beyond the related course subjects very much; moreover, seldom do they realize the students' problems, as most of the students are reluctant to speak about their personal matters with their teachers. As a result, friends meetings are always good situations for anyone to express his or her anxieties and receiving compelling recommendations from others, in other words they influence on each other prior to the step of deciding. Finally yet importantly, having discussed the topic from that viewpoint, one would rather to look at it from other perspective. As some friends became everlasting, they influence each other as long as they are friends. But this situation is unlikely to happen for students' teachers. To recapitulate briefly, based on the aforementioned testimonies, I am in conviction that our friends are more influential than our teachers. This is not to say, of course, that other points of view are completely false. However, I guess the reasons I provided in favor of my opinion are stronger.
It is a
highly
debated issue whether
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
are more influenced by their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
or by their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
and this topic can
be approached
from several angles due to its complexity. Apart from few
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who hold the view that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
influential on
Possible spelling mistake found.
students&
#039; behavior, almost everyone would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that
Possible spelling mistake found.
students&
#039;
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
play an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
role on their future characteristics.
Deeply
deliberating over the issue, I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
are more influential on each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
and following discussion reveals my stand and justification.

To commence, my
first
subtle point requires to
be mentioned
is that, actually the duration of time when
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are counteracting with each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
has a direct effect on the amount of influences they would have on each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
. As
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
spend most of their times with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
,
consequently
they would have influenced each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
to a large extent
in comparison
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
who have a limited time in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
which
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
be dedicated
to all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
.

Other substantial reason that can
be taken
into consideration is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
have
If you mean a great quantity, use "a lot of common"?
a lot common
with each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
,
for example
they have similar ages, their situations are close to one another and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
their sexes are identical;
therefore
, they can understand each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
well. Notwithstanding, the
Possible spelling mistake found.
teachers&
#039; duty is to teach
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
specific topics to their
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
students and
they cannot go beyond the related course subjects
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
much;
moreover
, seldom do they realize the
Possible spelling mistake found.
students&
#039; problems, as most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
are reluctant to speak about their personal matters with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
.
As a result
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
meetings are always
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
situations for anyone to express
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
his or her
anxieties and receiving compelling recommendations from others, in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
words they influence on each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
prior to the step of deciding.

Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Finally
yet
importantly
, having discussed the topic from that viewpoint, one would
rather
to look at it from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
perspective. As
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
became everlasting, they influence each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
as long as they are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
this situation is unlikely to happen for
Possible spelling mistake found.
students&
#039; teachers.

To recapitulate
briefly
, based on the aforementioned testimonies, I am in conviction that our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
are more influential than our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
. This is not to say,
of course
, that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
points of view are completely false.
However
, I guess the reasons I provided in favor of my opinion are stronger.
17Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
35Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay TPO18(independent) Students are more influenced by their teachers than by their friends. v. 2

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
393 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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