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Many people go to university for academic study More people should be encouraged to do vocational training because there is a lack of qualified worker such as electricians and plumbers To what extent do you agree or disagree v.1

Many people go to university for academic study More people should be encouraged to do vocational training because there is a lack of qualified worker such as electricians and plumbers v. 1
It is argued that more people should do a vocational training instead of going to university. Personally, I partly agree with this view. On the one hand, people should be encouraged to become trained workders. Nowadays, following a vocational training would meet the needs of career because there is a lack of qualified workers in society. The number of building and house tends to increase and workers are vital when these constructions are built. This would help people choosing a vocaltional training have more opportunities to get job so that they can have a better living condition. With people who cannot enter universities or colleges, being a qualified worker prevents them to commit crime. Many crimes, such as pick pocket or burglar stem from unemployers who cannot pay for their living. Having a job like plumber or electrician help them earn money for the cost of living and therefore thay may not think about crime. On the other hand, going to the university is still a better way to success. White- collar jobs are usually highly appreciated so people working in these areas can be promoted quickly in their careers. In some special area, learning academic knowledge in the university is essential before working. Doctors, for instance, need to learn the basic knowledge about human body before practising medcine. If not, they can make mistake leading to serious consequences such as making patients die. In conclusion, I believe that both academic study and vocational training are necessary in modern society life.
It
is argued
that more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should do a vocational
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
training
instead
of going to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
.
Personally
, I partly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this view.

On the one hand,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should
be encouraged
to become trained
Possible spelling mistake found.
workders
. Nowadays, following a vocational
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
training
would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
the needs of career
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
there is a lack of qualified workers in society. The number of building and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
tends to increase and workers are vital when these constructions
are built
. This would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
choosing a
Possible spelling mistake found.
vocaltional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
training
have more opportunities to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
job
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they can have a better living condition. With
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who cannot enter
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
universities
or colleges, being a qualified worker
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevents
them to commit crime.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
crimes, such as pick pocket or burglar stem from
Possible spelling mistake found.
unemployers
who cannot pay for their living. Having a job like plumber or electrician
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them earn money for the cost of living and
therefore
Possible spelling mistake found.
thay
may not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
about crime.

On the other hand
, going to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
is
still
a better way to success. White- collar jobs are
usually
highly
appreciated
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
working in these areas can
be promoted
quickly
in their careers. In
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
special area, learning academic knowledge in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
is essential
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
working. Doctors,
for instance
, need to learn the basic knowledge about human body
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
Possible spelling mistake. 'practising' is British English.
practising
Possible spelling mistake found.
medcine
. If not, they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
mistake leading to serious consequences such as making patients
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
die
.

In conclusion
, I believe that both academic study and vocational
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
training
are necessary in modern society life.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
13Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6Mistakes

IELTS essay Many people go to university for academic study More people should be encouraged to do vocational training because there is a lack of qualified worker such as electricians and plumbers v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
251 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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