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TPO 18 – Independent: A/D? Students are more influenced by their teachers than by their friends. v.1

TPO 18 – Independent: A/D? Students are more influenced by their teachers than by their friends. v. 1
Some say that, the games like X-box harm very young people, while others believe that it has an enormous positive effect. This essay will argue that, although allowing minors to have access to computer games leads to bad behaviours, but using them will help improve some essential skills necessary for child development. On the one hand, IT games like "enter the dragon" promote antisocial behaviours. Children are visual learners, and this electronic contains actions and characters that are violent. Furthermore, there is a fine line between fiction and reality. This can easily be crossed when young people under 18 years, introduce these bad attitudes they have learned into their daily life. For example, the study shows that 30% of children who bully others spend their free time playing violent video games. On the other hand, playing a game like "Super Mario" nurtures a child’s fine motor skills. As it is an activity that is done alone, it employs the talent of multitasking in other to stay relevant in the game. This action promotes critical and creative thinking, alertness and, the ability to stay focused throughout the event. More so, these skills are applied day to day activities. For example, 20% of people who create comic books and superhero characters had an intense addiction to computer games in their early childhood. I believe this influence is good with a better outcome. In conclusion, even though computer games play a role in the evil characters, young people exhibit but, it's using perfects the skills needed for a brighter future for both the individual and society.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
say that, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
like X-box harm
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, while others believe that it has an enormous
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
effect. This essay will argue that, although allowing minors to have access to computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
leads to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviours' is British English.
behaviours
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
using them will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
essential
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
necessary for child development.

On the one hand, IT
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
like
Use a smart opening quote here: "“".
"
enter the dragon
Use a smart closing quote here: "”".
"
promote antisocial
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviours' is British English.
behaviours
. Children are visual learners, and this electronic contains actions and characters that are violent.
Furthermore
, there is a fine line between fiction and reality. This can
easily
be crossed
when young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
under 18 years, introduce these
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
attitudes they have learned into their daily life.
For example
, the study
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that 30% of children who bully others spend their free time playing violent video games.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, playing a game like
Use a smart opening quote here: "“".
"
Super Mario
Use a smart closing quote here: "”".
"
nurtures a child’s fine motor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
. As it is an activity that
is done
alone, it employs the talent of multitasking in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
to stay relevant in the game. This action promotes critical and creative thinking, alertness and, the ability to stay focused throughout the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
event
. More
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
are applied
day to day activities.
For example
, 20% of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who create comic books and superhero characters had an intense addiction to computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
in their early childhood. I believe this influence is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
with a better outcome.

In conclusion
,
even though
computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
play a role in the evil characters, young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
exhibit
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
, it's using perfects the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
needed for a brighter future for both the individual and society.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
Language is to the mind more than light is to the eye.
William Gibson

IELTS essay TPO 18 – Independent: A/D? Students are more influenced by their teachers than by their friends. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
263 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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