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TPO17 Q1Talk about a special opportunity that was given to you. Explain why the opportunity was important. v.1

TPO17 Q1Talk about a special opportunity that was given to you. Explain why the opportunity was important. v. 1
It is often argued that wedding parties should be done in a big and costly way as it may benefit the couple. However, I completely disagree and think that weddings should be cost effective and done in a moderate way. Firstly, big parties are usually very money consuming and may pose as a burden on the newly married pair. This is because of the huge funds that go into the big day as the couple may have to borrow money to fund their day. For example, a friend of mine and his wife wanted a very big wedding and had to take a bank loan to support their marriage party. After the party, they struggled to pay back and this had a adverse effect on their marriage. Therefore, I believe that it is better to cut your coat according to your size inorder to avoid unnecessary burden on your marriage. Secondly, large weddings are usually considered stressful and time consuming. This is because they usually require lots of planning to achieve a beautiful event. For instance, 60% of Nigerian weddings are usually done in a big way and due to the amount of time needed to plan the event, most couples end up being stressed up after their special day. Therefore, it is more advantageous to have a smaller wedding to reduce the planning time. In conclusion, I strongly believe that marriage ceremonys should be done in a small way to reduce the money burden, time spent and stress caused as a result of the event.
It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
argued that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wedding
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parties
should
be done
in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
big
and costly way as it may benefit the couple.
However
, I completely disagree and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
weddings
should
be cost
effective and done
Consider replacing "in a moderate way" with the adverb for "moderate"; e.g., "in a hasty manner" with "hastily".
in a moderate way
.

Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
big
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parties
are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
usually
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
money consuming and may pose as a burden on the
newly
married pair. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the huge funds that go into the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
big
day as the couple may
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
borrow money to fund their day.
For example
, a friend of mine and his wife wanted a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
big
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wedding
and had to take a bank loan to support their marriage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
party
. After the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
party
, they struggled to pay back and this had
Use "an" instead of 'a' if the following word starts with a vowel sound, e.g. 'an article', 'an hour'
a
adverse effect on their marriage.
Therefore
, I believe that it is better to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cut
your coat according to your size
Possible spelling mistake found.
inorder
to avoid unnecessary burden on your marriage.

Secondly
, large
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
weddings
are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
usually
considered stressful and
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
time consuming
. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
usually
require lots of planning to achieve a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
beautiful
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
event
.
For instance
, 60% of Nigerian
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
weddings
are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
usually
done in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
big
way and due to the amount of time needed to plan the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
event
, most couples
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
up being
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stressed
up after their special day.
Therefore
, it is more advantageous to have a smaller
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wedding
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the planning time.

In conclusion
, I
strongly
believe that marriage
Possible spelling mistake. Did you mean "ceremonies", the plural form of the noun 'ceremony'?
ceremonys
should
be done
in a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
way to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the money burden, time spent and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
caused
as a result
of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
event
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
Learn everything you can, anytime you can, from anyone you can; there will always come a time when you will be grateful you did.
Sarah Caldwell

IELTS essay TPO17 Q1Talk about a special opportunity that was given to you. Explain why the opportunity was important. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
256 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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