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TPO17 – Q1: Talk about a special opportunity that was given to you. Explain why the opportunity is important. v.1

TPO17 – Q1: Talk about a special opportunity that was given to you. Explain why the opportunity is important. v. 1
While it is quite risky sometimes to get robbed on the streets, we should not neglect the fact that houses aren’t an exception to this. One of the most important steps to ensure one’s own security on the streets is to avoid dark, narrow and less frequented walkways. As for homes, the best safety measure is to lock all doors, days and nights. Firstly, we will discuss the safety on the streets and how to avoid being robbed. The risk of robbery is higher for walkers. The latter can be targeted during night time, making it easier to act without being noticed. Same applies for people while driving, but with a lesser magnitude. In this instance, robbery may happen while waiting on the red lights, for example. The best prevention is to lock down the car from the inside, so as to stop any attempt of opening the car doors, by force. Secondly, staying at home cannot prevent from robberies, unless precautions are taken to ensure full safety. It is crucial to install proper locks on doors and windows, as well as any opening that attract thieves, disregarding which time of the day it is. Robbery can happen at any moment. Moreover, keeping some rooms lit may keep the bad people away, especially when nobody is home. Music may be an option as well, it sends a sign that there is someone home. In conclusion, there are many steps to be taken to ensure one’s own security is preserved. Being it on the streets or inside houses, one should be vigilant and careful to avoid unpleasant situations such as robbery. The best way is to always choose the more frequented streets, lock the car’s doors, and make sure the house is safely closed.
While it is quite risky
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
robbed on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
streets
, we should not neglect the fact that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
houses
aren’t an exception to this. One of the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
steps to ensure one’s
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
security on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
streets
is to avoid dark, narrow and less frequented walkways. As for homes, the best safety measure is to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lock
all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doors
, days and nights.

Firstly
, we will discuss the safety on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
streets
and how to avoid
being robbed
. The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
robbery
is higher for walkers. The latter can
be targeted
during
This word is normally spelled as one.
night time
, making it easier to act without
being noticed
. Same applies for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
while driving,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
with a lesser magnitude. In this instance,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
robbery
may happen while waiting on the red lights,
for example
. The best prevention is to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lock
down the car from the inside,
'So as to' expresses purpose and is used in formal texts. Consider using "to"
so as to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
any attempt of opening the car
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doors
, by force.

Secondly
, staying at home cannot
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
robberies
, unless precautions
are taken
to ensure full safety. It is crucial to install proper
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
locks
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doors
and windows,
as well
as any opening that attract thieves, disregarding which time of the day it is.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Robbery
can happen at any moment.
Moreover
, keeping
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
rooms lit may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
away,
especially
when nobody is home. Music may be an option
as well
, it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sends
a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sign
that there is someone home.

In conclusion
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
steps to
be taken
to ensure one’s
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
security
is preserved
. Being it on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
streets
or inside
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
houses
, one should be vigilant and careful to avoid unpleasant situations such as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
robbery
. The best way is to always choose the more frequented
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
streets
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lock
the car’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doors
, and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
sure the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
is
safely
closed.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
18Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay TPO17 – Q1: Talk about a special opportunity that was given to you. Explain why the opportunity is important. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
293 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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