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TPO16 - Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? The best way to travel is in a group led by a tour guide. v.1

TPO16 - The best way to travel is in a group led by a tour guide. v. 1
Some parents hold the view that extra homework after school can be beneficial to their children. I totally agree with the opinion, though children may feel stressful if they shoulder the heavy workload. Students are required to do some academic-relevant activities as they can have a better understanding of the subjects. It is common that students forget important formulas and theories. Some extracurricular activities, such as reviewing their class notes, reading loudly and doing practice questions can help school attenders to strengthen their memories of key points. It also enables children to know where their weakness are after they find their mistakes in homework and correct them. In this way, they will get a substantial improvement in exam grades and outperform their peers in the study. On the other hand, students may be under high physical and psychological pressure by doing these educational activities. Children usually stay at school and learn various subjects eight hours a day, such as math, chemistry and literature, which can make them feel tired. If they are requested to finish more assignments or academic reading when they go back home, they may be deprived of adequate sleep. Students who lack of sleep may not concentrate on lectures, and their academic performance can be affected if they cannot absorb the knowledge in class. This may cause depression among students. In my opinion, these additional activities can make our children more competitive and prepare them in the job market. We live in a world full of challenges and fierce competition. It is almost impossible for the young to find a good job without a well-recognized degree and strong ability. Unless a child is a genius, he or she must study hard and do homework to achieve better academic results. A child can then go to a prestigious university as a result of high academic achievements and find better job opportunities in the future.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
parents hold the view that extra homework after school can be beneficial to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. I
totally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the opinion, though
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
may feel stressful if they shoulder the heavy workload.

Students
are required
to do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
academic-relevant
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
as they can have a better understanding of the subjects. It is common that students forget
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
formulas and theories.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
extracurricular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
, such as reviewing their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
notes, reading
loudly
and doing practice questions can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
school attenders to strengthen their memories of key points. It
also
enables
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to know where their weakness are after they find their mistakes in homework and correct them. In this way, they will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a substantial improvement in exam grades and outperform their peers in the study.

On the other hand
, students may be under high physical and psychological pressure by doing these educational
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
usually
stay at school and learn various subjects eight hours a day, such as math, chemistry and literature, which can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them feel tired. If they
are requested
to finish more assignments or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
academic
reading when they go back home, they may
be deprived
of adequate sleep. Students who lack of sleep may not concentrate on lectures, and their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
academic
performance can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
if they cannot absorb the knowledge in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
. This may cause depression among students.

In my opinion, these additional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
more competitive and prepare them in the job market. We
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in a world full of challenges and fierce competition. It is almost impossible for the young to find a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
job without a well-recognized degree and strong ability. Unless a child is a genius, he or she
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
study
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
and do homework to achieve better
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
academic
results. A child can then go to a prestigious university
as a result
of high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
academic
achievements and find better job opportunities in the future.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
He who knows no foreign languages know nothing of his own.
Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

IELTS essay TPO16 - The best way to travel is in a group led by a tour guide. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
316 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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