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People attend college or university for many different reasons. Why do you think people attend college or university? v.2

People attend college or university for many different reasons. Why do you think people attend college or university? v. 2
It is important for people to consider which kind of accommodation is the best. However, There is often a debate among people, whether is is advantageous to live in an apartment or a house. This essay is going to explain why I believe that the drawbacks of living in a house are outweighed by its benefits compared to life in an apartment. Looking firstly at the negatives, the most important one is that houses are less secure. This is a problem as it can be easier for the burglars to break-in. For example, most houses tend to be only one or two storeys high and are also generally not secured by security guards and CCTV cameras for surveillance. On the other hand, apartments are usually more secure, as they have a security guard to guard them and also are equipped with surveillance cameras and other forms of criminal deterrence. Nevertheless, a house offers several benefits such as they are more spacious and more private. With regards to the former, houses often have more rooms, which can be useful for families with children. As for the latter, houses are usually built far from each other, which can prevent noise from the house carrying to the neighbouring residents. For instance, large families with kids, generally require separate rooms for their children so that they can study without outside interference. In contrast, apartments are often small and families live in close proximity to each other. As a result, the privacy provided by houses cannot be offered by flats. In conclusion, in my opinion, the advantages of space and privacy provided by houses outweighs the disadvantage of security in comparison with an apartment.
It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to consider which kind of accommodation is the best.
However
, There is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
a debate among
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
, whether
Possible typo: you repeated a word
is is
advantageous to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
apartment
or a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
house
. This essay is going to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
why I believe that the drawbacks of living in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
house
are outweighed
by its benefits compared to life in an apartment.

Looking
firstly
at the negatives, the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
one is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
houses
are less secure. This is a problem as it can be easier for the burglars to break-in.
For example
, most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
houses
tend to be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
one or two
Possible spelling mistake. 'storeys' is British English.
storeys
high and are
also
generally
not secured by security guards and CCTV cameras for surveillance. On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
apartments
are
usually
more secure, as they have a security guard to guard them and
also
are equipped
with surveillance cameras and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
forms of criminal deterrence.

Nevertheless
, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
house
offers several benefits such as they are more spacious and more private.
Use "in regard to", "with regard to", or more simply "regarding".
With regards to
the former,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
houses
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
have more rooms, which can be useful for families with children. As for the latter,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
houses
are
usually
built far from each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
, which can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
noise from the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
house
carrying to the
Possible spelling mistake. 'neighbouring' is British English.
neighbouring
residents.
For instance
, large families with kids,
generally
require separate rooms for their children
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they can study without outside interference.
In contrast
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
apartments
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
and families
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in
Consider using "proximity".
close proximity
to each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
.
As a result
, the privacy provided by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
houses
cannot
be offered
by flats.

In conclusion
, in my opinion, the advantages of space and privacy provided by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
houses
outweighs the disadvantage of security
in comparison
with an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
apartment
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay People attend college or university for many different reasons. Why do you think people attend college or university? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
279 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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