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Do you agree or disagree with this statement? Universities should give the same amount of money to their student's sports activities as they give to their university libraries. v.8

Universities should give the same amount of money to their student's sports activities as they give to their university libraries. v. 8
The museum plays a vital role in representing an art and a culture of the country. While some organizations keep an entrance fee for such type of a heritage, on the other hand, some of them allow the people to visit free of cost. This essay will discuss benefits and drawbacks of visiting charges applied by museums and also explain why such an admission fees is important for the improvement of a property. The greatest benefit of applying entrance fees is the development and the beautification of the museum. Many buildings are the representation of the country’s past. Because they have been the witnessed of many historical events, they need proper maintenance, which can be possible by the income get to the foundation. For example, the palace of Versailles in France has been the magnificent building since the French revolution, and it is till now properly preserved. In addition, such an income can be utilized for the providing better facilities to the visitors. Many museums, for instance, have café’s and other shops selling valuable things. Overall, for a preservation of the heritage and the betterment of the visitors' admission fees is definitely necessary. Although, the advantages are numerous, the main challenge many museums are facing is less numbers of visitors. Due to the visiting fees, many peoples avoid visiting such type of properties. Already many people have a lack of interest in culture and when charges also they have to give, instead of going in historical places they select to watch culture and art on their television at free of cost. To illustrate, The ABC news survey said that 70% of students avoid visiting museum just because of their high visiting fees. Therefore, for many peoples the museum visit become costly. In conclusion, museums are very important part of the country’s history. Though, the entrance cost is a major problem, but in a way to preserve and to maintain such the heritage it is very important to get an income which is only possible through such charges. Also, if the government interferes and give funds the problem can be solved.
The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museum
plays a vital role in representing an art and a culture of the country. While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
organizations
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
an entrance
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fee
for such
If 'type' is a classification term, 'a' is not necessary. Use "type of". (The phrases 'kind of' and 'sort of' are informal if they mean 'to some extent'.)
type of a
heritage,
on the other hand
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
of them
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to visit free of cost. This essay will discuss benefits and drawbacks of visiting charges applied by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
and
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
why such an admission
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fees
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for the improvement of a property.

The greatest benefit of applying entrance
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fees
is the development and the beautification of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museum
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
buildings are the representation of the country’s past.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
they have been
The phrase 'the witnessed of' is not correct. Use a noun, not an adjective, between 'the' and 'of'.
the witnessed of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
historical
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
, they need proper maintenance, which can be possible by the income
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
to the foundation.
For example
, the palace of Versailles in France has been the magnificent building since the
If the term is a proper noun, use initial capitals.
French revolution
, and it is till
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
properly
preserved.
In addition
, such an income can
be utilized
for the providing better facilities to the visitors.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
,
for instance
, have café’s and other shops selling valuable things.
Overall
, for a preservation of the heritage and the betterment of the visitors' admission
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fees
is definitely necessary.

Although, the advantages are numerous, the main challenge
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
are facing is
Did you mean "fewer"? The noun numbers is countable.
less
numbers of visitors. Due to the visiting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fees
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
peoples
avoid visiting such type of properties. Already
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have a lack of interest in culture and when charges
also
they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
give,
instead
of going in historical places they select to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
culture and art on their television at free of cost. To illustrate, The ABC news survey said that 70% of students avoid visiting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museum
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of their high visiting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fees
.
Therefore
, for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
peoples
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museum
visit become costly.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
part of the country’s history. Though, the entrance cost is a major problem,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
in a way to preserve and to maintain such the heritage it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
an income which is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
possible through such charges.
Also
, if the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
interferes and give funds the problem can
be solved
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Universities should give the same amount of money to their student's sports activities as they give to their university libraries. v. 8

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
350 words
7.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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  • Do you agree or disagree with this statement? Universities should give the same amount of money to their student's sports activities as they give to their university libraries. v.8