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The man expresses his opinion about the proposal described in the article. Briefly summarize the proposal. Then state his opinion about the proposal and explain the reasons he gives for holding that opinion. v.1

The man expresses his opinion about the proposal described in the article. Briefly summarize the proposal. Then state his opinion about the proposal and explain the reasons he gives for holding that opinion. v. 1
The world has been full of opportunity. It depends upon the people, which things should they prefer or choose. The choices of people have been changed significantly with the advent of changing in the automation. It is assumed by some people that the opportunities have been grown significantly in today’s world. This essay will argue why number of opportunities have been increased significantly by providing the facts and figure. To begin with, in the ancient times there were a limited amount of jobs and companies due to the unavailability of the machinery. There were limited opportunities for human beings to select between the two choices, either become an engineer or become a doctor. However, nowadays, with the introduction of machines and automation, there has been an enormous amount of choices are created for individuals. For example, a research study suggests that machinery has brought the generation of new fields like artificial intelligence which has added choice for the current individual to pursue his or her career in this field. Thus, the advancement in the automation has enthralled on the choices of choosing their career. In addition to this, with the introduction of machinery, new companies and vendors have been created which provides an opportunity for youths and experienced people to start their own companies and become an entrepreneur rather than doctor, engineer, lawyer, and a bureaucrat. To illustrate this, a study has been conducted which suggests that people in the future will become an entrepreneur to start their vending companies and help international firms to make a growth in their business. Thus, new vending companies to become an employer rather than the employee. In conclusion, it seems to me that there is a plethora amount of opportunities available currently in contrast to old times because of the introduction of new technology and new companies.
The world has been full of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
opportunity
. It depends upon the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, which things should they prefer or choose. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
choices
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have been
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
significantly
with the advent of changing in the automation. It
is assumed
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
opportunities
have
been grown
significantly
in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
’s world. This essay will argue why number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
opportunities
have
been increased
significantly
by providing the facts and figure.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, in the ancient times there were a limited amount of jobs and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
due to the unavailability of the machinery. There
were limited
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
opportunities
for human beings to select between the two
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
choices
, either
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
an engineer or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
a doctor.
However
, nowadays, with the introduction of machines and automation, there has been an enormous amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
choices
Possible agreement error. Did you mean "is"? (Some collective nouns can be treated as both singular and plural, so 'are' is not always incorrect.)
are
created for individuals.
For example
, a research study suggests that machinery has brought the generation of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
fields like artificial intelligence which has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
added
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
choice
for the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
individual to pursue
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
his or her
career in this field.
Thus
, the advancement in the automation has enthralled on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
choices
of choosing their career.

In addition
to this, with the introduction of machinery,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
and vendors have
been created
which provides an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
opportunity
for youths and experienced
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
an entrepreneur
rather
than doctor, engineer, lawyer, and a bureaucrat. To illustrate this, a study has
been conducted
which suggests that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in the future will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
an entrepreneur to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
their vending
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
international firms to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a growth in their business.
Thus
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
vending
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
an employer
rather
than the employee.

In conclusion
, it seems to me that there is a plethora amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
opportunities
available
currently
in contrast
to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
times
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the introduction of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
technology and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay The man expresses his opinion about the proposal described in the article. Briefly summarize the proposal. Then state his opinion about the proposal and explain the reasons he gives for holding that opinion. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
304 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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