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TPO 13 - Question 2When looking for information for a research project, some students prefer to get their information mainly from the Internet. Others prefer to mainly use printed materials such as books and academic journals. Which do you prefer, and why v.1

TPO 13 - Question 2When looking for information for a research project, some students prefer to get their information mainly from the Internet. Others prefer to mainly use printed materials such as books and academic journals. Which do you prefer, and why v. 1
Spending hours of playing shooting and racing games, wasting the precious study time, suffering from impaired vision and hearing loss at an early age, developing concentration difficulties are some of the ill effects that children these days suffer because they are so glued to playing games on the computer. The effect of playing computer games might have some advantages, but the long list of disadvantages and negative consequences outweighs the positive side and it cannot be ignored. Firstly, kids these days are highly addicted to online games and the harm caused is immense. They aren't only spending hours and sleepless nights, but also develop bad lifestyle and food habits due to this. The World Health Organization in June 2018 declared gaming addiction as a mental health disorder. Video games can be addictive for kids, and the kids’ addiction to video games increases their depression and anxiety levels. Addicted kids also exhibit social phobias. The addiction has serious harmful effects, especially on a child's memory, concentration power, learning abilities and food habit. Playing games for long hours, mainly cause lots of stress and impairs the power of judgement. Secondly, children and naive and gullible. They easily fall prey to these giant game marketing industries and harm themselves. Certain games have been banned in different countries after children died by playing those. For example, recently a game launched by a Russian company called ''Blue Whale'' has caused death of teenagers in many different parts of the world. Children were hypnotised while playing, and were forced into believing the commands of the animation game character. Initially the commands involved completing simple tasks, but slowly over the days, the tasks became more and more dangerous and final task pressured the child into committing suicide. This game caused an uproar not only in Russia, but also in Mexico, China, India, America and Europe. Finally the game designer was arrested, but many innocent lives were already lost before the game was internationally banned. The American Psychological Association (APA) concluded that there is a “consistent correlation” between violent game use and aggression. The effects of playing games on a young mind can be extremely dangerous and life threatening at times. Thirdly, while some games can prove life threatening, there are other games which have caused accidents as well as other complications. We all must have heard of the famous Japanese game, Pokemon Go. Soon after its release, this game achieved huge popularity internationally. Even though it was super entertaining and safe to play, but it also caused a lot of chaos and accidents. Bringing the virtual and the real world together, Pokemon Go was the first of its kind. There were several instances of car accidents, people tripping and falling down, kids getting knocked over, children boarding trains, buses and ending up in unknown places just by chasing a virtual character called Pokemon. For example, a few months ago a young boy in the city of Peru, boarded a long distance bus and ended up in some different unknown town, because he was super engrossed in chasing a virtual cartoon character. After a lot of hassle and complaints, he was safely brought home by the police. Such grave are the effects of games on the naive minds of children. While it is also true that not all games are bad. Some games like Puzzle solving, Soduku, Chess, helps in sharpening the intellect, multitasking ability and encourages the thinking power of the kids. Kids can come up with creative ideas and ways to solve the puzzle. Nevertheless, we do need to realize that these games are not that popular among children who mostly opt for shooting, racing, cooking and other meaningless games which stresses the eyes and minds. Finally, to conclude, I totally agree and acknowledge the harmful effects that computer games have on children. At the same time, I believe not all games have the same detrimental outcomes. There are games which are helpful and helps in building cognitive thinking and intellectual abilities. Children are gullible and easily believe what their brains are fed, so it is very important that parents monitor their child all the time. It is on adults to make the decision of selecting the right game and discouraging the child from spending excessive time on computers. While playing computer games can have bad consequences on children, but if parents take care of the matter and supervise their children at all times, the situation can improve.
Spending hours of
The usual collocation for an activity ending in "-ing" is "go" not "do" or "play." Revise: "going shooting".
playing shooting
and racing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
, wasting the precious study
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
, suffering from impaired vision and hearing loss at an early age, developing concentration difficulties are
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
some of the
ill effects that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
these days suffer
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
glued to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
on the computer. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
effect
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
might have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
advantages,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the long list of disadvantages and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
consequences outweighs the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
side and it cannot be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ignored
.

Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
these days are
highly
addicted to online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
and the harm
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
caused
is immense. They aren't
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
spending hours and sleepless nights,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
develop
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
lifestyle and food habits due to this. The World Health Organization in June 2018 declared gaming addiction as a mental health disorder. Video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
can be addictive for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
, and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids’
addiction to video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
increases their depression and anxiety levels. Addicted
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
also
exhibit social phobias. The addiction has serious harmful effects,
especially
on a child's memory, concentration power, learning abilities and food habit.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
for long hours,
mainly
cause lots of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
and impairs the power of judgement.

Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
and naive and gullible. They
easily
fall prey to these giant game marketing industries and harm themselves. Certain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
have
been banned
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
countries after
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
died
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
those.
For example
, recently a game launched by a Russian
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
called ''Blue Whale'' has
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
caused
death of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
parts of the world.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
were
Possible spelling mistake. 'hypnotised' is British English.
hypnotised
while
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
, and
were forced
into believing the commands of the animation game character.
Initially
the commands involved completing simple tasks,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
slowly
over the days, the tasks became more and more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
and final task pressured the child into committing suicide. This game
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
caused
an uproar not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
in Russia,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
in Mexico, China, India, America and Europe.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Finally
the game designer
was arrested
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
innocent
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
were already lost
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
the game was
internationally
banned. The American Psychological Association (APA) concluded that there is a “consistent correlation” between violent game
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
and aggression. The effects of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
on a young mind can be
extremely
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
and life threatening at times.

Thirdly
, while
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
can prove life threatening, there are other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
which have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
caused
accidents
as well
as other complications. We all
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
have heard of the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
Japanese game,
'Pokemon' is an imported foreign expression, which originally has a diacritic. Consider using "Pokémon"
Pokemon
Go.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Soon
after its release, this game achieved huge popularity
internationally
.
Even though
it was super entertaining and safe to play,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it
also
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
caused
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
chaos and accidents. Bringing the virtual and the real world together,
'Pokemon' is an imported foreign expression, which originally has a diacritic. Consider using "Pokémon"
Pokemon
Go was the
first
of its kind. There were several instances of car accidents,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
tripping and falling down,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
getting knocked over,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
boarding trains, buses and ending up in unknown places
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
by chasing a virtual character called
'Pokemon' is an imported foreign expression, which originally has a diacritic. Consider using "Pokémon"
Pokemon
.
For example
, a few months ago a young boy in the city of Peru, boarded a long distance bus and ended up in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
unknown town,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
he was super engrossed in chasing a virtual cartoon character. After
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
hassle and complaints, he was
safely
brought home by the police. Such grave are the effects of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
on the naive minds of children.

“While” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
While
it is
also
true that not all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
like Puzzle solving,
Possible spelling mistake found.
Soduku
, Chess,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
in sharpening the intellect, multitasking ability and encourages the thinking power of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Kids
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
up with creative
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
and ways to solve the puzzle.
Nevertheless
, we do need to realize that these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
are not that popular among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
who
mostly
opt for shooting, racing, cooking and other meaningless
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stresses
the eyes and minds.

Finally
,
to conclude
, I
totally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
and acknowledge the harmful effects that computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
have on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. At the same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
, I believe not all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
have the same detrimental outcomes. There are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
which are helpful and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
in building cognitive thinking and intellectual abilities.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
are gullible and
easily
believe what their brains
are fed
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
that parents monitor their child all the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
. It is on adults to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the decision of selecting the right game and discouraging the child from spending excessive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
on computers. While
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
can have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
consequences on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
if parents take care of the matter and supervise their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
at all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
times
, the situation can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
To have another language is to possess a second soul.
Charlemagne

IELTS essay TPO 13 - Question 2When looking for information for a research project, some students prefer to get their information mainly from the Internet. Others prefer to mainly use printed materials such as books and academic journals. Which do you prefer, and why v. 1

Essay
  American English
6 paragraphs
742 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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