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TPO1 task1 Talk about a book you have read that was important to you for some reason Explain why the book was important to you Give specific details and examples to explain your answer v.1

TPO1 task1 Talk about a book you have read that was important to you for some reason Explain why the book was important to you Give specific details and examples to explain your answer v. 1
Although, there are an increasing number of people who depend on social media as a way of building relationship bridges with others. In my opinion, despite recent technology helped us to reconnect with far away friends and relatives, it leads to more isolation from close family members and friends with increasing risk of being a victim of fraudulent hackers. On the one hand, the current advancements in internet usage with its easy availability, encourages users for spending a significant amount of time hanging around wide varieties of social media websites to build the kind of presumptive friendly relationships with previously known or unknown persons. In fact, it gave us the opportunity to see and talk to people living far away across the continents. Thank you to the globalization trend that melts all the boundaries and makes the effect of distance of no significance. For instance, the internet marriage is becoming a common phenomena through the available marriage web sites, like match com, is a clear example, how human to human relationship takes a brand new way of highly technological marriage. On the other hand, I am still not a big fan of this faked online relationship. Knowing the fact that, I admittedly, think those kind of people are motivated for more isolation and being long distance away from the reality concerning their family or peer friends. Such behaviour is worrisome, as such, there are many adolescents who escaped their houses and travelled abroad, looking for their faked uncertain lover, who just know her or him through a webcam. In fact, the other concern is being an easy prey for internet conspiracy for example, many young girls open an access to their personal photos for some online, supposed to be a friend, and later on they got blackmailed for paying money to them. Otherwise, these photos will be published on line. In summery, I encourage real and eye to eye relationships with others, since it will keep you away from being hacked and deceived, and will make social connections more safe and prosperous.
“Although” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Although
, there are an increasing number of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who depend on social media as a way of building
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
relationship
bridges with others. In my opinion, despite recent technology
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helped
us to reconnect with far
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
away
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
and relatives, it leads to more isolation from close family members and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
with increasing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
of being a victim of fraudulent hackers.

On the one hand, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
advancements in internet usage with its easy availability, encourages users for spending a significant amount of time hanging around wide varieties of social media websites to build the kind of presumptive friendly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
relationships
with previously known or unknown persons. In fact, it gave us the opportunity to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
and talk to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
living far
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
away
across the continents. Thank you to the globalization trend that melts all the boundaries and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
the effect of distance of no significance.
For instance
, the internet marriage is becoming a common
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "phenomenon"?
phenomena
through the available marriage
Did you mean "websites"?
web sites
, like match com, is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
example, how human to human
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
relationship
takes a
'brand new' seems to be a compound adjective in front of a noun. Use a hyphen: "brand-new".
brand new
way of
highly
technological marriage.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, I am
still
not a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
fan of this faked online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
relationship
. Knowing the fact that, I
admittedly
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
Did you mean "this kind" or "those kinds"?
those kind
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are motivated
for more isolation and being long
Consider using a past participle here: "distanced".
distance
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
away
from the reality concerning their family or peer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
. Such
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
is worrisome, as such, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
adolescents who escaped their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
houses
and travelled abroad, looking for their faked uncertain lover, who
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
know her or him through a webcam. In fact, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
concern is being an easy prey for internet conspiracy
for example
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
young girls open
Uncountable nouns are usually not used with an indefinite article. Use simply "access".
an access
to their personal photos for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
online, supposed to be a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friend
, and later on they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
blackmailed for paying money to them.
Otherwise
, these photos will
be published
on line.

In summery, I encourage real and eye to eye
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
relationships
with others, since it will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
you
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
away
from
being hacked
and deceived, and will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
social connections more safe and prosperous.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay TPO1 task1 Talk about a book you have read that was important to you for some reason Explain why the book was important to you Give specific details and examples to explain your answer v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
342 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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