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Q1. Talk about a book you have read that was important to you for some reason. Explain why the book was important to you. Give specific details and examples to explain your answer. v.1

Q1. Talk about a book you have read that was important to you for some reason. Explain why the book was important to you. Give specific details and examples to explain your answer. v. 1
It has been argued that by using computers and their respective monitor everyday, there are more negative side effects rather than the positive signs on the children's. I completely agree the above statement because of various reasons and their repercussions. This essay will discuss what causes the negative impact on the kids with the use of computers. The predominant effect is an eyesight problem for the kids. They are using the system screen or other sources of computers for various purposes such as, for the school assignments, to socialize, and to play their interested online games. By constant usage of these large screens for a range of period on a day, it will lead to eye sight problems. For instance, in a recent study by the London university, more than 50 percentage of school pupils having the eye related problems. Moreover by watching continuously for a longer period of time, by the end of the day their energy has been exhausted and they feel tired and stress. Additionally, today's children are ending up merely by indoor games, they do not have more knowledge about the outdoor games. Because of their interest to play on computer screen they are not able to spend time for outdoor games. As a result, they are lack of proper community relations and the awareness of societal standards. In other words, because of their poor time management and by keeping attention on the wide range of monitors, their chances of exposing their bodies to the sun will drastically decrease. Apparently, it will cause various health hazards due to lack of vitamins. To conclude, there has been a wide range of health complication, as a result of addiction to their computer screen. Ultimately, it will lead to major drawback in their future as well.
It has
been argued
that by using computers and their respective monitor
'Everyday' is an adjective. Did you mean "every day"?
everyday
, there are more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
side effects
rather
than the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
signs on the children's. I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
the above statement
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of various reasons and their repercussions. This essay will discuss what causes the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impact on the kids with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of computers.

The predominant effect is an eyesight problem for the kids. They are using the system
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
screen
or other sources of computers for various purposes such as, for the school assignments, to socialize, and to play their interested online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
. By constant usage of these large
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
screens
for a range of period on a day, it will lead to
This word is usually spelt together: "eyesight".
eye sight
problems.
For instance
, in a recent study by the London university, more than 50 percentage of school pupils having the eye related problems.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Moreover
by watching
continuously
for a longer period of time, by the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
of the day their energy has been
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
exhausted and
they feel tired and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
.

Additionally
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
's children are ending up
merely
by indoor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
, they do not have more knowledge about the outdoor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
of their interest to play on computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
screen
they are not able to spend time for outdoor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
.
As a result
, they are lack of proper community relations and the awareness of societal standards.
In other words
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of their poor time management and by keeping attention on the wide range of monitors, their chances of exposing their bodies to the sun will
drastically
decrease.
Apparently
, it will cause various health hazards due to lack of vitamins.

To conclude
, there has been a wide range of health complication,
as a result
of addiction to their computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
screen
.
Ultimately
, it will lead to major drawback in their future
as well
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
A foreign language is like a frail, delicate muscle. If you do not use it, it weakens.
Jhumpa Lahiri

IELTS essay Q1. Talk about a book you have read that was important to you for some reason. Explain why the book was important to you. Give specific details and examples to explain your answer. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
297 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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