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TPO1 Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? At universities and colleges, sports and social activities are just as important as classes and libraries and should receive equal financial support. v.1

TPO1 At universities and colleges, sports and social activities are just as important as classes and libraries and should receive equal financial support. v. 1
All around the world universities and colleges are always dealing with how they should allot their budget to various activities. In this regard, some people are of the opinion that developing classes and libraries has numerous and valuable advantages that universities should allocate all financial support just for them. On the other extreme of the rope, the overwhelming majority of people think that sports and social activities have significant effects on society. Hence, these activities should be supported as equal to classes and libraries. While two groups take their positions, personally speaking, I believe that the latter group carries more weight. In the following paragraph, I will cogently explain my reasons to justify my points of view. As the first and paramount reason, universities’ financial support of sports clubs and social activities has direct and considerable impacts on students’ performance. In other words, paying attention to sports and social activities helps students reduce their stress and anxieties; consequently, they can concentrate on their tasks and duties remarkably. For instance, empirical research conducted by some master students at many universities shows that departments paying attention to students’ physical and mental health in addition to developing their social abilities such as teamwork ability have students who can control their stress in critical situations, bear responsibilities efficiently, and complete their projects properly. Actually, in sports clubs, students can do various exercises such as yoga and listen to interesting music helping them relieve their stress and pressure daily of life. They also strengthen their minds and obtain more positive energy encouraging them to deal with unprecedented challenges and any difficulties in their life enthusiastically. As a matter of fact, students develop some parts of these skills and abilities in sports and social groups rather than in libraries and study halls. Therefore, the more universities invest money in sports clubs and social activities, the more efficient and high-performance students they will have. The second reason is, assigning money to sports clubs and developing social activity groups encourages students to find other sides of their personality and skills. To be more specific, these activities help students discover their hide talents. For example, four years ago, when I was a student, not only was I ashamed to talk to my classmates, but I also didn’t have the self-confidence to present a lecture in class. After the first year, the administration of the university implemented supportive strategies such as developing music groups. I joined the music group and found many friends who helped me be more sociable than in the past. As time goes on, communicating with other group members and learning academic music helped me know that I can play the guitar and sing in live concerts. Nowadays, I work as a musician for a music institute and play the guitar for a very famous music band in my city. As a result, if my university hadn’t developed an effective long-term strategy, neither could I discover my artistic abilities as a singer and musician, nor choose an interesting job and earn money. In conclusion, allocating equal budget to sports clubs and social groups play a pivotal role in relieving students’ stress, empowering their mental ability, and improving their performance in accomplishing their duties. Moreover, students can discover their talents and develop their skills to achieve their dreams.
All around the world
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
universities
and colleges are always dealing with how they should allot their budget to various
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
. In this regard,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are of the opinion that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
developing
classes and libraries has numerous and valuable advantages that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
universities
should allocate all financial support
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
for them. On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
extreme of the rope, the overwhelming majority of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
have significant effects on society.
Hence
, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
should
be supported
as equal to classes and libraries. While two
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
groups
take their positions,
personally
speaking, I believe that the latter
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
carries more weight. In the following paragraph, I will
cogently
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
my reasons to justify my points of view.

As the
first
and paramount reason,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
universities’
financial support of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
clubs
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
has direct and considerable impacts on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students’
performance. In
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
words, paying attention to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stress
and anxieties;
consequently
, they can concentrate on their tasks and duties
remarkably
.
For instance
, empirical research conducted by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
master
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
at
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
universities
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that departments paying attention to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students’
physical and mental health
in addition
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
developing
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
abilities
such as teamwork
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ability
have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
who can control their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stress
in critical situations, bear responsibilities
efficiently
, and complete their projects
properly
. Actually, in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
clubs
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
can do various exercises such as yoga and listen to interesting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
helping them relieve their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stress
and pressure daily of life. They
also
strengthen their minds and obtain more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
energy encouraging them to deal with unprecedented challenges and any difficulties in their life
enthusiastically
. As a matter of fact,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
develop
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
parts of these
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
abilities
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
groups
rather
than in libraries and study halls.
Therefore
, the more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
universities
invest money in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
clubs
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
, the more efficient and high-performance
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
they will have.

The second reason is, assigning money to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
clubs
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
developing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
groups
encourages
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to find
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
sides of their personality and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
. To be more specific, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
discover their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hide
talents.
For example
, four years ago, when I was a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
, not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
was I ashamed to talk to my classmates,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
I
also
didn’t have the self-confidence to present a lecture in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
. After the
first
year, the administration of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
implemented supportive strategies such as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
developing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
groups
. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
joined
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
and found
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
friends who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helped
me be more sociable than in the past. As time goes on, communicating with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
members and learning academic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helped
me know that I can play the guitar and sing in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
concerts. Nowadays, I work as a musician for a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
institute and play the guitar for a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
band in my city.
As a result
, if my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
hadn’t developed an effective long-term strategy, neither could I discover my artistic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
abilities
as a singer and musician, nor choose an interesting job and earn money.

In conclusion
, allocating equal budget to
The verb after "to" should be in the base form: "sport".
sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
clubs
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
groups
play a pivotal role in relieving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students’
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stress
, empowering their mental
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ability
, and improving their performance in accomplishing their duties.
Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
can discover their talents and develop their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
to achieve their dreams.
20Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
80Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay TPO1 At universities and colleges, sports and social activities are just as important as classes and libraries and should receive equal financial support. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
550 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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