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TPO (S5-Q1): Talk about a place you enjoyed going to or visiting when you were a child. Describe the place. Explain why you enjoyed it. v.1

TPO (S5-Q1): Talk about a place you enjoyed going to or visiting when you were a child. Describe the place. Explain why you enjoyed it. v. 1
The main reason why the young keep updated about music and global celebs rather than historical figures of their nation is that past is prone to underestimation in many education systems in the world and it is taught by traditional ways at school, whereas all those dates, places, names of prominent people and events that appear is very difficult to memorize. Thus, the past always becomes the tedious subject of a great deal of students. Subsequently, they no longer pay much attention and learn about the past of their country, including famous historical figures. But in the meanwhile, the ubiquitous appearance of celebrities, becomes more attractive due to their fashionable looks, their luxurious lifestyle and they are trend settles. As a result, youngsters would like to have an insight into their idol and want to imitate them. Furthermore, it is a fact that listening to trending music or watching a mesmerizing movie would certainly be more interesting than cramming more knowledge of dates and events in the past into the head. If there was no better method to remedy this situation, young people today will not know anything about the past, about people who have made great contributions to their nation's development and peace like today. For example, in many interviews, many young people cannot remember the names of famous national heroes in their own country or students only learn to pass subjects, and when they graduate they do not remember anything. Therefore, we must create much interest in young people to adopt and gain knowledge regarding the past of their country, historical figures. I opine that there are various ways to help youngsters develop their interest in famous people from the past in their past. First of all, teaching strategies should be innovated, which will bring more interest in the past. Instead of just sitting in the classroom with the boring knowledge from books, educational trips will certainly be a more interesting option for students. They can go to museums and famous historical places to promote learning and memory of historical names and events. Additionally, TV shows and movies can be made around famous historical personalities and their contributions. For instant, filmmakers should release many historical dramas with cast members who are getting a lot of attention. This will attract young people to watch and will find it interesting and curious about historical figures who appear in the film, thereby learning about them in real past.
The main reason why the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
updated about music and global celebs
rather
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
historical
figures of their nation is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
past
is prone to underestimation in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
education systems in the world and it
is taught
by traditional ways at school, whereas all those dates, places, names of prominent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
that appear is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
difficult to memorize.
Thus
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
past
always becomes the tedious subject of a great deal of students.
Subsequently
, they no longer pay much attention and learn about the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
past
of their country, including
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
famous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
historical
figures.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
in the meanwhile, the ubiquitous appearance of celebrities, becomes more attractive due to their fashionable looks, their luxurious
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
lifestyle and
they are trend settles.
As a result
, youngsters would like to have an insight into their idol and want to imitate them.
Furthermore
, it is a fact that listening to trending music or watching a mesmerizing movie would
certainly
be more interesting than cramming more knowledge of dates and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
past
into the head. If there was no better method to remedy this situation,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
will not know anything about the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
past
, about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who have made great contributions to their nation's development and peace like
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
.
For example
, in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
interviews,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
cannot remember the names of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
famous
national heroes in their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
country or students
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
learn to pass subjects, and when they graduate they do not remember anything.
Therefore
, we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
create much interest in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to adopt and gain knowledge regarding the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
past
of their country,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
historical
figures.

I opine that there are various ways to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
youngsters develop their interest in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
famous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
past
in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
past
.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, teaching strategies should
be innovated
, which will bring more interest in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
past
.
Instead
of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
sitting in the classroom with the boring knowledge from books, educational trips will
certainly
be a more interesting option for students. They can go to museums and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
famous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
historical
places to promote learning and memory of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
historical
names and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
.
Additionally
, TV
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
and movies can
be made
around
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
famous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
historical
personalities and their contributions. For instant, filmmakers should release
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
historical
dramas with cast members who are getting
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
attention. This will attract
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
and will find it interesting and curious about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
historical
figures who appear in the film, thereby learning about them in real
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
past
.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
35Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay TPO (S5-Q1): Talk about a place you enjoyed going to or visiting when you were a child. Describe the place. Explain why you enjoyed it. v. 1

Essay
  American English
2 paragraphs
407 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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