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TPO 05 - Question 1 Talk about a place you enjoyed going to or visiting when you were a child. Describe the place. Explain why you enjoyed it. v.1

TPO 05 - Question 1 Talk about a place you enjoyed going to or visiting when you were a child. Describe the place. Explain why you enjoyed it. v. 1
Since the turn of the century, putting aside the crisis of 2008, we have seen a rapid rise in the global economy. Yet, some specific nations have enjoyed greater prosperity than others have, achieving significant financial success, prompting an increasing difference in lifestyles between cities and rural areas. It has been said, that this trend has the potential to hamper said nations. First and foremost, the differences in lifestyles and opportunities between urban and rural areas can cause an imbalance and increase migration from the countryside to the big cities, thus, augmenting the number of residents in the already packed cities and dwindle down the numbers in towns and villages. The same process happened in Britain during the industrial revolution. However, due to the construction of new industries at the time, work was ample, whereas, nowadays, a shift of that sort will only serve to increase unemployment. Moreover, leaving the countryside might prove to be a hammering blow to various different industries, mainly the agricultural one. If potential workers will decide that country life does not suit them anymore and that they rather enjoy the wealth of opportunities at city centres than continue to work in the agriculture business, both the industry and the country will suffer the consequences, as the price of fruit and vegetables will soar and unemployment will skyrocket. In order to battle this contemporary trend, countries have to reward people who decide to move the opposite way, and facilitate the lives of people in rural areas. For example, a few years ago, Israel decided to hand out substantial monetary rewards to physicians who accept working in certain, peripheral areas. In addition, they received tax discounts. Even though, the health budget rose, the number of general practitioners providing medical care in rural areas increased. Another important option is to encourage companies to move their headquarters to the countryside in order to raise the number of job offerings. This can probably be done by offering them financial incentives. In conclusion, for various reasons more people are leaving the rural areas in favour of bigger cities. While this process has some adverse effects, there are numerous options to tackle it and reverse the trend.
Since the turn of the century, putting aside the crisis of 2008, we have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
a rapid rise in the global economy.
Yet
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
specific nations have enjoyed greater prosperity than others have, achieving significant financial success, prompting an increasing difference in lifestyles between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
. It has
been said
, that this trend has the potential to hamper said nations.

First
and foremost, the differences in lifestyles and opportunities between urban and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
can cause an imbalance and increase migration from the countryside to the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
,
thus
, augmenting the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of residents in the already packed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
and dwindle down the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
numbers
in towns and villages. The same process happened in Britain during the industrial revolution.
However
, due to the construction of new industries at the time, work was ample, whereas, nowadays, a shift of that sort will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
serve to increase unemployment.

Moreover
, leaving the countryside might prove to be a hammering blow to various
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
industries,
mainly
the agricultural one. If potential workers will decide that country life does not suit them anymore and that they
rather
enjoy the wealth of opportunities at city
Possible spelling mistake. 'centres' is British English.
centres
than continue to work in the agriculture business, both the industry and the country will suffer the consequences, as the price of fruit and vegetables will soar and unemployment will skyrocket.

In order to battle this contemporary trend, countries
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
reward
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who decide to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
the opposite way, and facilitate the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
.
For example
, a few years ago, Israel decided to hand out substantial monetary rewards to physicians who accept working in certain, peripheral
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
.
In addition
, they received tax discounts.
Even though
, the health budget rose, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of general practitioners providing medical care in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
increased. Another
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
option is to encourage
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
their headquarters to the countryside in order to raise the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of job offerings. This can
probably
be done
by offering them financial incentives.

In conclusion
, for various reasons more
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are leaving the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
in
Possible spelling mistake. 'favour' is British English.
favour
of bigger
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
. While this process has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
adverse effects, there are numerous options to tackle it and reverse the trend.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay TPO 05 - Question 1 Talk about a place you enjoyed going to or visiting when you were a child. Describe the place. Explain why you enjoyed it. v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
365 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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