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tpo 8. Television advertising directed towards young children (aged two to five) should not be allowed. v.2

tpo 8. Television advertising directed towards young children (aged two to five) should not be allowed. v. 2
For a long time, television, as a public medium for human beings, has entertained people with various programs, broadcasts. Without any shadow of doubt, whether or not we accept it, television, specially advertising, change the principal of human kind' s contemplation. With this in mind, some believe that it stands to reason that television advertising directed toward children aged from two to five need to be banned due to its negative effect, while others hold the opposite view. As far as I am concerned, the first attitude carries more weight for several reasons, three of the most substantial are discussed below. The most compelling point is that advertising companies often present their products in an exaggerated manner, which leads to mislead kids due to the fact that children under the age five lack the ability to understand what is good and what is bad. They believe everything they see around them; hence, they think whatever they watch on television advertising is true. For instance, I had a cousin who is four years old, one day when he watched a television advertising in which a small child managed to fly thanks to wearing a coat. He, immediately, put on his coat, and started to try that stunt on his room window. As a result, promotions have a direct effect on children owing to the fact that kids are not able to extract the gist of advertisements, they believe what they just believe what they say. Another interpretation why I do not concur with the latter perspective in the introductory paragraph is that promotions may cause waste money and emotional torture for parents when they fail to fulfil their irrational demands of their children. Regardless of what is children' s true needs, commercial companies aim to only sell their products, which are mostly useless or unsuitable for children. They use colorful and fantasy promotions so as to attract children to demand those items from their parents. If parents consider the products and find them kind of meaningless junk, they cry and insist on purchasing that things, which can make parents crazy. Consequently, commercial messages may not only be unsuitable for children, but also bother their parents. Last but least, television advertising promulgates bad habits among children. For example, in order to promote junk food products, advertising companies often exhibit a fat child who starts eagerly devouring unhealthy food such as burger and pizza, which inclines children to unhealthy food rather than healthy one, changing their eating pattern, thus endangering their health. To put it in a nutshell, having considered all of the aforementioned ingredients discussed above, I do endorse my point of view that the demerits of commercial messages directed toward students are more than its merits. Therefore, I think that there is an essential need to revolutionize the legs regarding advertising, and parents should keep their eyes watching what their kids seeing.
For a long time,
television
, as a public medium for human beings, has entertained
people
with various programs, broadcasts. Without any shadow of doubt,
whether or not
we accept it,
television
,
specially
advertising,
change
the principal of human
kind&
#039; s contemplation. With this in mind,
some
believe
that it stands to reason that
television
advertising directed toward
children
aged from two to five need to
be banned
due to its
negative
effect, while others hold the opposite view. As far as I
am concerned
, the
first
attitude carries more weight for several reasons, three of the most substantial
are discussed
below.

The most compelling point is that advertising
companies
often
present their
products
in an exaggerated manner
, which leads to mislead kids due to the fact that
children
under the age five lack the ability to understand what is
good
and what is
bad
. They
believe
everything they
see
around them;
hence
, they
think
whatever they
watch
on
television
advertising is true.
For instance
, I had a cousin who is four years
old
, one day when he
watched
a
television
advertising in which a
small
child managed to
fly
thanks to wearing a coat. He, immediately, put on his coat, and
started
to try that stunt on his room window.
As a result
, promotions have a direct effect on
children
owing to the fact that kids are not able to extract the gist of advertisements, they
believe
what they
just
believe
what they say.

Another interpretation why I do not concur with the latter perspective in the introductory paragraph is that promotions may cause waste money and emotional torture for
parents
when they fail to fulfil their irrational demands of their
children
. Regardless of what is
children&
#039; s true needs, commercial
companies
aim to
only
sell their
products
, which are
mostly
useless or unsuitable for
children
. They
use
colorful and fantasy promotions
so as to
attract
children
to demand those items from their
parents
. If
parents
consider the
products
and find them kind of meaningless junk, they cry and insist on purchasing that things, which can
make
parents
crazy.
Consequently
, commercial messages may not
only
be unsuitable for
children
,
but
also
bother their parents.

Last
but
least,
television
advertising promulgates
bad
habits among
children
.
For example
, in order to promote junk food
products
, advertising
companies
often
exhibit a
fat
child who
starts
eagerly
devouring unhealthy food such as burger and pizza, which inclines
children
to unhealthy food
rather
than healthy one, changing their eating pattern,
thus
endangering their health.

To put it in a nutshell, having considered
all of the
aforementioned ingredients discussed above, I do endorse my point of view that the demerits of commercial messages directed toward students are more than its merits.
Therefore
, I
think
that there is an essential need to revolutionize the legs regarding advertising, and
parents
should
keep
their eyes watching what their kids seeing.
12Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
29Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6Mistakes

IELTS essay tpo 8. Television advertising directed towards young children (aged two to five) should not be allowed. v. 2

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
481 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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