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TPO 8. Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Television advertised directed towards children (aged two or five) should not be allowed. v.1

TPO 8. Television advertised directed towards children (aged two or five) should not be allowed. v. 1
It is a controversial issue of whether people should give importance to find solutions for upcoming issues or analyse on the actions that occurred in the past. While I believe that answers for upcoming happenings can guide to a stress-free life, I also think previous incidents provide more experience and shape a responsible man. The following paragraphs will elaborate on why both views are essential. On the one hand, tackling issues which may occur later would aid to live a comfortable life. In other words, people will be prepared to face any obstacles which can appear in their future. Besides, earlier planning makes a person more persuasive and confident throughout his life. A man who plans to invest money for building a house in the next five years will be out of stress and will lead a successful life. These are the reasons why some people focus more on their plans. On the other hand, it is also significant to spend time investigating the right and wrong in past deeds. The actions will ensure that people learn from their mistakes and endeavour to avoid repeating them in their whole life. In addition, thinking about the past can increase responsibilities, which would be beneficial in addressing every matter with great care. For example, if a man misses his valuable items because of his activities, he would ensure to avoid such circumstances in the future. In conclusion, some people give attention to future problems, whereas others try to utilise their present time to think about their past actions. I agree that solving future issues earlier makes life more comfortable when understanding previous incidents outcomes build a responsible and experienced person.
It is a controversial
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
issue
of whether
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should give importance to find solutions for upcoming
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
issues
or
Possible spelling mistake. 'analyse' is British English.
analyse
on the actions that occurred in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
past
. While I believe that answers for upcoming happenings can guide to a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
-free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
, I
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
previous incidents provide more experience and shape a responsible
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
. The following paragraphs will elaborate on why both views are essential.

On the one hand, tackling
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
issues
which may occur later would aid to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
a comfortable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
In other words
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will
be prepared
to face any obstacles which can appear in their future.
Besides
, earlier planning
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
a person more persuasive and confident throughout his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. A
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
who plans to invest money for building a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
in the
next
five years will be out of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
and will lead a successful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. These are the reasons why
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
focus more on their plans.

On the other hand
, it is
also
significant to spend time investigating the right and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
past
deeds. The actions will ensure that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
learn from their mistakes and
Possible spelling mistake. 'endeavour' is British English.
endeavour
to avoid repeating them in their whole
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
In addition
, thinking about the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
past
can increase responsibilities, which would be beneficial in addressing every matter with great care.

For example
, if a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
misses his valuable items
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of his activities, he would ensure to avoid such circumstances in the future.

In conclusion
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
give attention to future problems, whereas others try to
Possible spelling mistake. 'utilise' is British English.
utilise
their present time to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
about their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
past
actions. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that solving future
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
issues
earlier
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
more comfortable when understanding previous incidents outcomes build a responsible and experienced person.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay TPO 8. Television advertised directed towards children (aged two or five) should not be allowed. v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
278 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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