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Some people say that young people can learn useful skills by playing electronic and computer games. Others say that young people who play electronic and computer games are wasting their time. Discuss both views and give your own opinion. v.1

Some people say that young people can learn useful skills by playing electronic and computer games. Others say that young people who play electronic and computer games are wasting their time. v. 1
The work-life balance is a crucial aspect of life. Lots of individuals work for a long time and do not allocate time for leisure activities. In my opinion, the drawbacks of this trend are far more than the positive outcomes. There are two main benefits of this approach. To begin with, employees working for long hour’s results in a high productivity in the workforce environment. This is because it helps in keeping focus highly on tasks at hand, which, in turn, results in an efficiency at work. Indeed, the goals which are achieved through the devoting time is beneficial for a company. A report from Oxford University, for instance, showed that employees working extra hours at the workplaces are 20% highly productive than their colleagues who do not opt for it. Furthermore, employees can acquire promotion early. Working more than the require time leads to achieving goals significantly, which would be critical for employers to consider the flourishing the worker’s career-ladder. However, there are some downsides with this trend. Firstly, imbalance in the work-life results in a no proper family life. This is due to the work priorities, which leads to the unhealthy family relationships and is also highly likely to result in a broken relationship. Secondly, working for excessive hours has adverse effects on health. If a person work a full day and even for extra hours, as well as do not opt for any physical activity, it would result in major health issues. It is evident that a sedentary lifestyle owing to the long hours working leads to obesity, heart diseases and depression. Research indicates, for example, that anxiety and obesity in Asian working people is 75% due to their excessive hours of working. In conclusion, in my view, while working for long hours without opting for any leisure activity has benefits such as productivity at work and promotions, which are far outweighed by its downsides mainly damaging family relationships and deteriorating health.
The work-life balance is a crucial aspect of life. Lots of individuals
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
for a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
long
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
and do not allocate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for leisure activities. In my opinion, the drawbacks of this trend are far more than the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
outcomes.

There are two main benefits of this approach. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, employees
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
long
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hour’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
results
in a high productivity in the workforce environment. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
in keeping focus
highly
on tasks at hand, which, in turn,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
results
in an efficiency at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
.
Indeed
, the goals which
are achieved
through the devoting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
is beneficial for a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
. A report from Oxford University,
for instance
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
that employees
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
extra
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
at the workplaces are 20%
highly
Use "(productive)" to make a comparison with this adjective.
productive
than their colleagues who do not opt for it.
Furthermore
, employees can acquire promotion early.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Working
more than the
The word 'require' is not a noun. Did you mean "requirement"?
require
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
leads to achieving goals
significantly
, which would be critical for employers to consider the flourishing the worker’s career-ladder.

However
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
downsides with this trend.
Firstly
, imbalance in the work-life
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
results
in a no proper family life. This is due to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
priorities, which leads to the unhealthy family relationships and is
also
highly
likely to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
result
in a broken relationship.
Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
for excessive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
has adverse effects on health. If a person
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
a full day and even for extra
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
,
as well
as do not opt for any physical activity, it would
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
result
in major health issues. It is evident that a sedentary lifestyle owing to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
long
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
leads to obesity, heart diseases and depression. Research indicates,
for example
, that anxiety and obesity in Asian
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
is 75% due to their excessive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
of working.

In conclusion
, in my view, while
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
long
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
without opting for any leisure activity has benefits such as productivity at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
and promotions, which are far outweighed by its downsides
mainly
damaging family relationships and deteriorating health.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people say that young people can learn useful skills by playing electronic and computer games. Others say that young people who play electronic and computer games are wasting their time. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
325 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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