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Tpo-6: independent task: Do you agree or disagree? Life today is easier and more comfortable than it was when your grandparents were children. v.1

Tpo-6: independent task: Life today is easier and more comfortable than it was when your grandparents were children. v. 1
Nowadays, senior employees who are over 55 years old should be incentivized to take a retirement to make up room for the young ones. In my view, I absolutely agree with this opinion. On the one hand, the main reason is that older workers cannot adapt themselves to the rapid pace. Elderly person really finds it difficult to learn new things such as language or some skills because their memories become deficient due to aging and their process learning would be interrupted. Furthermore, with their limited physical strength, they are not capable of heavy manual work, especially jobs related to construction. They will not pay entire attention to their tasks and thus causing severe faults. For example, in 2008, Long Bien bridge in Viet Nam was collapsed due to lack of concentration of old builders. Besides, people aged over 55 should retire in order to spend more time for their families and make chances to better young generation. On the other hand, with enthusiasm and strength, young people would definitely work effectively outweigh senior ones. With the development of technology, more and more new technological products have been developed. The new generation absorbs new information quickly and thus masters advanced technology because they have energy to exploit. They would be well-educated compared to the past in terms of both foreign languages and professional knowledge, therefore it is definitely useful for the development of companies. Facebook is a case in point. They want to hire young people who are excellent and make their company to infuse with lots of young blood. In conclusion, it is clear that the company should make places for young peoples and encourage old people to retire. This will not only boost the company's production and cooperation, but also will save respect for the old employee.
Nowadays, senior employees who are over 55 years
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
should
be incentivized
to take a retirement to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
up room for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
ones. In my view, I
absolutely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this opinion.

On the one hand, the main reason is that older workers cannot adapt themselves to the rapid pace. Elderly person
really
finds it difficult to learn
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
things such as language or
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
their memories become deficient due to aging and their process learning would
be interrupted
.
Furthermore
, with their limited physical strength, they are not capable of heavy manual work,
especially
jobs related to construction. They will not pay entire attention to their tasks and
thus
causing severe faults.
For example
, in 2008, Long
Possible spelling mistake found.
Bien
bridge in
Possible spelling mistake found.
Viet
Nam
was collapsed
due to lack of concentration of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
builders.
Besides
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
aged over 55 should retire in order to spend more time for their families and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
chances to better
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
generation.

On the other hand
, with enthusiasm and strength,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
would definitely work
effectively
outweigh senior ones. With the development of technology, more and more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
technological products have
been developed
. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
generation absorbs
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
information
quickly
and
thus
masters advanced technology
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they have energy to exploit. They would be well-educated compared to the past in terms of both foreign languages and professional knowledge,
therefore
it is definitely useful for the development of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
. Facebook is a case in point. They want to hire
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who are excellent and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
to infuse with lots of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
blood.

In conclusion
, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
places for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
peoples
and encourage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to retire. This will not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
boost the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
's production and cooperation,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
will save respect for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
employee.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
I love commuting between languages just like I love commuting between cultures and cities.
Elif Safak

IELTS essay Tpo-6: independent task: Life today is easier and more comfortable than it was when your grandparents were children. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
299 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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