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TPO 52 - Question 2The woman expresses her opinion of the idea expressed in the newspaper. State her opinion and explain the reasons she gives for holding that opinion. v.1

TPO 52 - Question 2The woman expresses her opinion of the idea expressed in the newspaper. State her opinion and explain the reasons she gives for holding that opinion. v. 1
Athlete, people who compete in sports, earn more than people in significant occupations. Is this wrong or right? . Many say it is wrong, others say otherwise. Even though sports men and women should not be paid higher than other professionals in their field since they require their services to perform effectively, they are most times rewarded from the proceeds of bets placed on them. Thereby, I am of the opinion that it is justified. Of a truth, we need one another to survive and therefore, there should be no reason why one should earn more than the other. Every professional partners with other professionals to be successful, athletes inclusive. To illustrate, a footballer acquires the services of a medical practitioner, that is, in all fields of medicine, to see that he or she is in sound health; and also a legal practitioner, a financial adviser to mention a few, all work closely with the player to ensure a blooming career. Hence, none should be under paid. Notwithstanding, the fact that sports professionals earn more should not be a problem to anyone, because in most cases, they are paid with the money gotten from bets on them. For instance, in China the winner of the Federal Martial Arts Tournament makes away with the money realised from bets and sponsors, no matter how much. They do this to encourage their young men that hard work pays. How then will you say that this is not justified? . Additionally, these athlete represent their countries well and should be immensely appreciated. In conclusion, many believe there is a form of injustice when sports professionals earn more than other important professionals, arguing that they all work hand in hand to promote each other. Albeit, I believe it is justified seeing that they are often paid from bets placed on them.
Athlete,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who compete in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
earn
more than
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
in significant occupations. Is this
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
or right?
Don't put a space before the full stop
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
say it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
, others say
otherwise
.
Even though
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
and women should not
be paid
higher than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
professionals
in their field since they require their services to perform
effectively
, they are most times rewarded from the proceeds of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bets
placed on them. Thereby, I am of the opinion that it
is justified
.

Of a truth, we need one another to survive and
therefore
, there should be no reason why one should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
earn
more than the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
. Every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
professional
partners with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
professionals
to be successful, athletes inclusive. To illustrate, a footballer acquires the services of a medical practitioner,
that is
, in all fields of medicine, to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
that he or she is in sound health; and
also
a legal practitioner, a financial adviser to mention a few, all work
closely
with the player to ensure a blooming career.
Hence
, none should be under paid.

Notwithstanding, the fact that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
professionals
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
earn
more should not be a problem to anyone,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
in most cases
, they
are paid
with the money gotten from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bets
on them.
For instance
, in China the winner of the Federal Martial Arts Tournament
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
away with the money
Possible spelling mistake. 'realised' is British English.
realised
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bets
and sponsors, no matter how much. They do this to encourage their young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
work pays. How then will you say that this is not justified?
Don't put a space before the full stop
.
Additionally
,
Did you mean "this athlete" or "these athletes"?
these athlete
represent their countries well and should be
immensely
appreciated.

In conclusion
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
believe there is a form of injustice when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
professionals
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
earn
more than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
professionals
, arguing that they all work hand in hand to promote each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
. Albeit, I believe it
is justified
seeing that they are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
paid from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bets
placed on them.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay TPO 52 - Question 2The woman expresses her opinion of the idea expressed in the newspaper. State her opinion and explain the reasons she gives for holding that opinion. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
306 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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