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TPO 51Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Movies and television have more negative effects than positive effects on the way young people behave. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer. v.2

TPO 51 Movies and television have more negative effects than positive effects on the way young people behave. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer. v. 2
I think that movies and TV programs could have more negative effects on adolescents behaviors. Since they are passing sensitive emotional period, many movies, especially the movies that contain violent contents, could have negative effects on young people. In a addition, the young people have less information and experiences about their social relationships, So they could vulnerable to some TV programs which contain First of all, it is so clear that young people in a sensitive age and many movies could be harmful to their spirits. Violence is the frequent subject of many TV shows. Nowadays, almost all people have access to a wide range of films and movies. Many of the movies contain violent scenes in order to make the films more attractive and exciting. However, many times the harmful effects of the violent scenes have been overlooked by directors and producers. In fact, young people will be affected by the exaggerated action in films. They may learn violent behaviors because they consider them as models. For example, when the series of " Prison Break" was being played in my country, it clearly affected many adolescents in our surroundings, in my friends and their families. They reported their young persons in their family got easily angry, lose their patience easily and behave in a violent manner in general. So, we should admit that the movies are highly efficatious in our young behaviors tendencies. Second, young people are less engaged in a real life and have fewer experiences in their social relationships. In addition to violence, many movies contain the relationships between opposite genders. For example, a young boy falls in love with a young girl just because of her beauty, or a girl falls in love with a boy just because of his wealth. They set some specific standards for good relationships and pay less attention to difficulties and realities in life. These kinds of movies are common in our country. As a result, these kinds of movies could shape the personality of young people. In real life, they seek a relationship just identical to the standards they learned in movies. For example, they want their partner to be so pretty or to make up her face extremely, or they expect that their partner provides them with whatever she or he wants, or they believe that they essentially should go to only fancy and luxury restaurants. All of these ways of thinking are results of the movies that affect the behavior of adolescents.
I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
and TV programs could have more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effects on adolescents
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
behaviors
. Since they are passing sensitive emotional period,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
,
especially
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
that contain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violent
contents, could have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effects on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. In
Use "an" instead of 'a' if the following word starts with a vowel sound, e.g. 'an article', 'an hour'
a
addition, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have less information and experiences about their social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
relationships
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
they
It seems that a verb or adverb has been misspelled or is missing here.
could vulnerable
to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
TV programs which
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
contain


This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in a sensitive age and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
could be harmful to their spirits. Violence is the frequent subject of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
TV
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
. Nowadays, almost all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have access to a wide range of films and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
contain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violent
scenes in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the films more attractive and exciting.
However
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
times the harmful effects of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violent
scenes have
been overlooked
by directors and producers. In fact,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
by the exaggerated action in films. They may learn
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
behaviors
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they consider them as models.
For example
, when the series of
Possible spelling mistake found.
&quot
; Prison
Possible spelling mistake found.
Break&quot
; was
being played
in my country, it
clearly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
adolescents in our surroundings, in my friends and their families. They reported their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
persons in their family
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
easily
angry, lose their patience
easily
and behave in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violent
manner
in general
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, we should admit that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
are
highly
Possible spelling mistake found.
efficatious
in our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
behaviors
tendencies.

Second,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are less engaged in a real life and have fewer experiences in their social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
relationships
.
In addition
to violence,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
contain the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
relationships
between opposite genders.
For example
, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
boy falls in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
with a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
girl
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of her beauty, or a girl falls in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
with a boy
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of his wealth. They set
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
specific standards for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
relationships
and pay less attention to difficulties and realities in life. These kinds of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
are common in our country.
As a result
, these kinds of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
could shape the personality of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. In real life, they seek a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
relationship
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
identical to the standards they learned in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
.
For example
, they want their partner to be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
pretty or to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
up her face
extremely
, or they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expect
that their partner provides them with whatever she or he wants, or they believe that they
essentially
should go to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
fancy and luxury restaurants. All of these ways of thinking are results of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
that affect the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
behavior
of adolescents.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
43Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay TPO 51 Movies and television have more negative effects than positive effects on the way young people behave. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer. v. 2

Essay
  American English
3 paragraphs
414 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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