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Some people think that children should receive formal training at school on how to be good parents in the future. Do you agree or disagree with this statement? v.2

Some people think that children should receive formal training at school on how to be good parents in the future. v. 2
It is sometimes argued that skills and knowledge to become good parents need to be formally imparted to children at school. While the transmission of these kinds of knowledge is beneficial for a child in some certain respects, I disagree with this view and believe that children should highly concentrate on their education rather than learning about adult matters. On the one hand, it is undeniable that schools should be held accountable for educating children to become good parents at the early age. Primarily, thanks to parenting lessons, students will be more conscientious of parenting tasks if they were adults, hence a better understanding of their parents. This might result in bridging the generation gap between parents and children. In addition, students may have a good grasp of adult issues such as raising and educating their kids in a proper way, thereby overcoming adversities in parenthood at ease. On the other hand, it would be wrong to reject the arguments which contend that it is inappropriate and unrealistic for children be instilled in parental responsibilities at their age. One argument is that students are not mature enough to acquire matters with regard to parenting skills. They cannot fully comprehend the definition and meaning of becoming parents when they are too young. Another justification is that rather than the learning of becoming good parents, children are in need of helpful knowledge which assisting their study and future career. Such skills as presentation or teamwork are more pragmatic and of paramount importance for the development and education of students. In conclusion, I disagree with the view in favour of formal trainings at schools for children to become good parents in the future.
It is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
argued that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and knowledge to become
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
need to be
formally
imparted to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
at school. While the transmission of these kinds of knowledge is beneficial for a child in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
certain respects, I disagree with this view and believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should
highly
concentrate on their education
rather
than learning about adult matters.

On the one hand, it is undeniable that schools should
be held
accountable for educating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to become
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
at the early age.
Primarily
, thanks to parenting lessons, students will be more conscientious of parenting tasks if they were adults,
hence
a better understanding of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
. This might result in bridging the generation gap between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
In addition
, students may have a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
grasp of adult issues such as raising and educating their kids
Consider replacing "in a proper way" with the adverb for "proper"; e.g., "in a hasty manner" with "hastily".
in a proper way
, thereby overcoming adversities in parenthood at
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ease
.

On the other hand
, it would be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
to reject the arguments which contend that it is inappropriate and unrealistic for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
be instilled
in parental responsibilities at their age. One argument is that students are not mature
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
to acquire matters with regard to parenting
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
. They cannot
fully
comprehend the definition and meaning of becoming
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
when they are too young. Another justification is that
rather
than the learning of becoming
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are in need of helpful knowledge which assisting their study and future career. Such
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
as presentation or teamwork are more pragmatic and of paramount importance for the development and education of students.

In conclusion
, I disagree with the view in
Possible spelling mistake. 'favour' is British English.
favour
of formal trainings at schools for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to become
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
in the future.
6Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
19Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that children should receive formal training at school on how to be good parents in the future. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
280 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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