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People find it very difficult to speak in public or to give a presentation before an audience v.2

People find it very difficult to speak in public or to give a presentation before an audience v. 2
The responsibility to mould the behaviour of children by parents or educators is debatable. Some people blame parents for the deterioration in the standard of behaviour among children, however, others say it is the fault of the schools. This essay will discuss on both the aspects and explain, why parents are to be blamed for the decline in a child's nature. On one side, children nowadays behave selfishly. This character is developed during the early ages, when parents do not monitor their needs. In addition, they are pampered by parents who simply buy all the stuffs demanded by them. For instance, I always enjoyed sharing my toys with my brother, whereas today, children just do not like to share. Moreover, today, both father and mother are breadwinners in the family, they do not have time to observe the mistakes of a child. Therefore, parents are largely held responsible for the decrease in the quality of behaviour in children. On the other side, educators can mould children to some extent only. For instance, a child who is used to telling lies cannot be changed completely by the teachers. Moreover, the upbringing of a child at home contributes largely to the innate nature of a child. Indeed, schools basically concentrate on updating knowledge in science, mathematics and languages, however, very few hours are dedicated in subjects like moral science. In conclusion, the dramatic decline in the behaviour of today's children is due to the wrong parenting style and schools have very little to contribute in upgrading a child's behaviour.
The responsibility to
Possible spelling mistake. 'mould' is British English.
mould
the
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
or educators is debatable.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
blame
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
for the deterioration in the standard of
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
,
however
, others say it is the fault of the schools. This essay will discuss on both the aspects and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
, why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
are to
be blamed
for the decline in a child's nature.

On one side,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
nowadays behave
selfishly
. This character
is developed
during the early ages, when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
do not monitor their needs.
In addition
, they
are pampered
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
who
simply
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
all the stuffs demanded by them.
For instance
, I always enjoyed sharing my toys with my brother, whereas
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
do not like to share.
Moreover
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
, both father and mother are breadwinners in the family, they do not have time to observe the mistakes of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
.
Therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
are
largely
held responsible for the decrease in the quality of
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
in children.

On the other side, educators can
Possible spelling mistake. 'mould' is British English.
mould
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
extent
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
.
For instance
, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
who is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to telling lies cannot be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
completely by the teachers.
Moreover
, the upbringing of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
at home contributes
largely
to the innate nature of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
.
Indeed
, schools
basically
concentrate on updating knowledge in science, mathematics and languages,
however
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
few hours
are dedicated
in subjects like moral science.

In conclusion
, the dramatic decline in the
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
is due to the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
parenting style and schools have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
to contribute in upgrading a child's
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
A special kind of beauty exists which is born in language, of language, and for language.
Gaston Bachelard

IELTS essay People find it very difficult to speak in public or to give a presentation before an audience v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
257 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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