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TPO 5 - task 2: Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Math and science are more important than art and history. v.2

TPO 5 - task 2: Math and science are more important than art and history. v. 2
Nowadays, many high schools make community service an optional element of their students’ curriculums. However, whereas some people believe that this unpaid service should be a mandatory part of the syllabus, I would argue that, while it is helpful, it should remain the student’s choice. One of the most significant benefits of community service for high school students is that such work prepares students for the world outside of education. This is important because students who have no awareness of what the working world is like may be overwhelmed when it finally comes around. For instance, a student who has experience of caring for the aged - a typical community service task - will be more able to adapt to the needs of elderly customers in a working role than one who does not. Thus, community work can give students more confidence about life after school. However, it is vital that this service be the sole choice of the student, as making such tasks compulsory may breed resentment towards the work. The reason for this is that people are naturally averse to doing anything which seems imposed upon them, especially without reward. Consequently, this resentment may then lead to poor quality work, negatively affecting both the student and the community itself. In contrast, if the student chooses to do community service for no pay, this is more likely to produce feelings of self-worth and satisfaction, contributing to better work. In conclusion, although offering high school students unpaid community service work may help them transition into the adult world, I believe such work should not be a necessary component of their programmes as this may foster negativity towards the tasks.
Nowadays,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
high schools
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
service
an optional element of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students’
curriculums.
However
, whereas
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that this unpaid
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
service
should be a mandatory part of the syllabus, I would argue that, while it is helpful, it should remain the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student’s
choice.

One of the most significant benefits of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
service
for high school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
is that such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
prepares
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
for the world outside of education. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
who have no awareness of what the working world is like may
be overwhelmed
when it
finally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
around.
For instance
, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
who has experience of caring for the aged
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
-
a typical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
service
task
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
-
will be more able to adapt to the needs of elderly customers in a working role than one who does not.
Thus
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
can give
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
more confidence about life after school.

However
, it is vital that this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
service
be the sole choice of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
, as making such tasks compulsory may breed resentment towards the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
.
The reason for this is
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are
naturally
averse to doing anything which seems imposed upon them,
especially
without reward.
Consequently
, this resentment may then lead to poor quality
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
,
negatively
affecting both the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
itself.
In contrast
, if the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
chooses to do
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
service
for no pay, this is more likely to produce feelings of self-worth and satisfaction, contributing to better work.

In conclusion
, although offering high school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
unpaid
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
service
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them transition into the adult world, I believe such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
should not be a necessary component of their
Possible spelling mistake. 'programmes' is British English.
programmes
as this may foster negativity towards the tasks.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay TPO 5 - task 2: Math and science are more important than art and history. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
279 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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