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Describe something you own which is very important to you. You should say: - where you got it from - how long you have had it - what you use it for; and - explain why it is important to you. Rounding off questions - Tell me - is it valuable in terms of mon v.1

Describe something you own which is very important to you. You should say: - where you got it from - how long you have had it - what you use it for; and - explain why it is important to you. Rounding off questions - Tell me - is it valuable in terms of mon v. 1
Whether or not should we hold sport competitions have become a hot topic of discussion these days. Some people perceive that organizing sport events can bring some financial challenges while others believe that it is beneficial for the economic development. In this essay, I shall discuss both perspectives in detail before reaching a final verdict that the overall benefits of this are superior. There are various compelling reasons why it is essential to hold sports competitions and the prominent one is that it plays a crucial role in stimulating economic growth as more visitors can be attracted to attend these events and attribute to the development of hospitality and tourism industry. To illustrate, a recent research conducted in Japan has revealed that the 2020 Tokyo Olympic games can attract 30% more travelers compare to this year. For this reason, holding a variety of sport competitions can bring positive impacts on the society. However, some oppose this notion and says that it generates negative consequences on the financial level because hosting big sport events require investment so infrastructures such as stadiums and airports need to be upgraded and well-maintained which can put a massive financial burden on the government. As a result, there’s insufficient funds for authorities to invest in the social welfare and education areas. For example, recent studies have shown that many local governments struggle to cope with debts associated with holding sport events. As can be seen, it could be detrimental to the stability of the society sometimes. To sum up, people’s opinion towards holding sports competitions is various. Taking everything into consideration, I’m inclined to say that the positive points of this surpass the negative aspects.
Consider shortening this phrase to just "Whether". It is correct though if you mean 'regardless of whether'.
Whether or not
should we hold
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
competitions
have become a hot topic of discussion these days.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
perceive that organizing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
can bring
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
financial challenges while others believe that it is beneficial for the economic development. In this essay, I shall discuss both perspectives in detail
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
reaching a final verdict that the
overall
benefits of this are superior.

There are various compelling reasons why it is essential to hold
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
competitions
and the prominent one is that it plays a crucial role in stimulating economic growth as more visitors can
be attracted
to attend these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
and attribute to the development of hospitality and tourism industry. To illustrate, a recent research conducted in Japan has revealed that the 2020 Tokyo
If the term is a proper noun, use initial capitals.
Olympic games
can attract 30% more travelers compare to this year.
For this reason
, holding a variety of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
competitions
can bring
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
impacts on the society.

However
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
oppose this notion and says that it generates
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
consequences on the financial level
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
hosting
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
require investment
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
infrastructures such as stadiums and airports need to
be upgraded
and well-maintained which can put a massive financial burden on the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
.
As a result
,
Did you mean "there're insufficient funds"?
there’s insufficient funds
for authorities to invest in the social welfare and education areas.
For example
, recent studies have shown that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
local
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
struggle to cope with debts associated with holding
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
. As can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
, it could be detrimental to the stability of the society
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
.

To sum up,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
’s opinion towards holding
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
competitions
is various. Taking everything into consideration, I’m inclined to say that the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
points of this surpass the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
aspects.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
If you talk to a man in a language he understands, that goes to his head. If you talk to him in his own language, that goes to his heart.
Nelson Mandela

IELTS essay Describe something you own which is very important to you. You should say: - where you got it from - how long you have had it - what you use it for; and - explain why it is important to you. Rounding off questions - Tell me - is it valuable in terms of mon v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
279 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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