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TPO #4Independent Toefl taskIn twenty years there will be fewer cars in the street than there are today. v.1

TPO #4Independent Toefl taskIn twenty years there will be fewer cars in the street than there are today. v. 1
The issue of whether the government should take more responsibility to protect the environment than the individuals is of great concerns to many people. In my opinion, individuals also play an indispensable role in environmental protection, as we are all living in the same world. Governments indeed have a great obligation to govern the environment. For one thing, the major pollutions are normally created by big enterprise and factories. It is only the governments have the power or ability to restrict or force them to control pollutions in a reasonable measurement. For another, governments have plenty of funding, resources and ability to cope with serious environmental incidents. For instance, 2 years ago, Japan experienced a significant nuclear accident, it is only the government has techniques and powers to stop and prevent the public away from nuclear radiation. However, the individuals' impact on the environments should not be neglected, because our behaviours seriously impact on environments. For example, if all the people in Australia save 1-litre drinking water a day, then we can save almost 20 million litre water every day to help 7 million people who live in water deficit environmental areas, as per person only need 3 litres water for life. In addition to this, if we are often taking public transport to go to work instead of driving a private car, it not only improves the traffic conditions in cities but also reduces the carbon dioxide emission and saving energy for the world. In conclusion, although it is the government duty to improve or protect our living environment, I believe everyone on the earth does enjoy an equal role. Therefore, the individual and the government both play a vital role in environmental protection.
The issue of whether the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should take more responsibility to protect the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
environment
than the individuals is of great concerns to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
. In my opinion, individuals
also
play an indispensable role in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
environmental
protection, as we are all living in the same world.

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Governments
indeed
have a great obligation to govern the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
environment
. For one thing, the major pollutions are
normally
created by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
enterprise and factories. It is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
only
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
have the power or ability to restrict or force them to control pollutions in a reasonable measurement. For another,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
plenty
of funding, resources and ability to cope with serious
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
environmental
incidents.
For instance
, 2 years ago, Japan experienced a significant nuclear accident, it is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
only
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
has techniques and powers to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
the public away from nuclear radiation.

However
, the individuals' impact on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
environments
should not
be neglected
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
our
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviours' is British English.
behaviours
seriously
impact on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
environments
.
For example
, if all the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
in Australia save
The word '1-litre' is an adjective (SI unit of measurement), but the spelling is not correct American English.
1-litre
drinking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
a day, then we can save almost 20 million
Possible spelling mistake. 'litre' is British English.
litre
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
every day to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
7 million
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
deficit
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
environmental
areas, as per person
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
only
need 3
Possible spelling mistake. 'litres' is British English.
litres
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
for life.
In addition
to this, if we are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
taking public transport to go to work
instead
of driving a private car, it not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improves
the traffic conditions in cities
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduces
the carbon dioxide emission and saving energy for the world.

In conclusion
, although it is the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
duty to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
or protect our living
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
environment
, I believe everyone on the earth does enjoy an equal role.
Therefore
, the individual and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
both play a vital role in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
environmental
protection.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
Language comes first. It’s not that language grows out of consciousness, if you haven’t got language, you can’t be conscious.
Alan Moore

IELTS essay TPO #4Independent Toefl taskIn twenty years there will be fewer cars in the street than there are today. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
285 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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