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TPO 4, task 2 Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? in twenty years, there will be fewer cars in use than there are today. Use reasons and examples to support your response. v.1

TPO 4, task 2 in twenty years, there will be fewer cars in use than there are today. Use reasons and examples to support your response. v. 1
Never have movies and games been so rife than it is today since they include various violent scenes which are leading youngsters into the perplex. In this case, massive number of people consider it as a negative influence for youngs development and society life, they demand new rules that will ban these kind of movies and games from the government. Any films or games which comprise of the attack and lawlessness might have a tremendous harm to youngsters and society as well, although that kind of movies can improve awareness of society about disturbance in some ways. To commence with, nowadays almost all people live in the undesired sedentary lifestyle, thus movies and games have become an indispensable part of people's pastime routine. However, young generations can not all the time choose the correct film for their age and obsessed with violent computer games. Rejoicing from such games is a frequent phenomenon for the youth, because they win this game with bombing and killing others. Playing violent games and independently acting in the violence make them less merciful to real life, it is the major cause of today's juvenile delinquency. Thus, more and more people vote to ban these games and movies respectively, with considering its demerits or threats. However, in some situations, these films can play a fundamental role in youth knowledge about disturbance and crime in legitimate ways, because kids from their early ages would have an awareness about the infraction and its consequence since almost in all films offenders will be punished by the government, this will keep many youngsters from committing lawlessness. Therefore, movies containing terrorism in some parts should be showed from the television in order to improve knowledge of youngsters about the result of committing any felony. In conclusion, yet these pastime games and movies would jeopardize youngs development, but I believe it can be beneficial in some terms. Since committing case of young offenders has become a frequent picture of a new world, l hope if the government keeps balance among these situations it will create a splendid life conditions for everyone
Never have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
been
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
Use "rifer" to make a comparison with this adjective.
rife
than it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
since they include various violent scenes which are leading youngsters into
After 'the', do not use a verb. Make sure that the spelling of 'perplex' is correct. If 'perplex' is the first word in a compound adjective, use a hyphen between the two words. Note: This error message can occur if you use a verb as a noun, and the word is not a noun in standard English.
the perplex
.
In this case
, massive number of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
consider it as a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
influence for
Possible spelling mistake. Did you mean "young", the plural form of the noun 'young'?
youngs
development and society life, they demand new
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
that will ban
Did you mean "this kind" or "these kinds"?
these kind
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
from the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
. Any films or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
which
Did you mean "comprise" or "consist of"?
comprise of
the attack and lawlessness might have a tremendous harm to youngsters and society
as well
, although that kind of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
awareness of society about disturbance in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
ways.

To commence with, nowadays almost all
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in the undesired sedentary lifestyle,
thus
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
have become an indispensable part of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's pastime routine.
However
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
generations can not all the time choose the correct film for their age and obsessed with violent computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
. Rejoicing from such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
is a frequent phenomenon for the youth,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they win this game with bombing and killing others. Playing violent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
and
independently
acting in the violence
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them less merciful to real life, it is the major cause of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
's juvenile delinquency.
Thus
, more and more
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
vote to ban these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
respectively
, with considering its demerits or threats.

However
, in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
situations, these films can play a fundamental role in youth knowledge about disturbance and crime in legitimate ways,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
kids from their early ages would have an awareness about the infraction and its
The usual preposition to use after "consequence" is not "since". Did you mean "consequence of", "consequence for", or "consequence on"?
consequence since
almost in all films offenders will
be punished
by the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
, this will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
youngsters from committing lawlessness.
Therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
containing terrorism in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
parts should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
from the television in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
knowledge of youngsters about the result of committing any felony.

In conclusion
,
yet
these pastime
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
would jeopardize
Possible spelling mistake. Did you mean "young", the plural form of the noun 'young'?
youngs
development,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
I believe it can be beneficial in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
terms. Since committing case of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
offenders has become a frequent picture of a new world, l hope if the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keeps
balance among these situations it will create a splendid life conditions for
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
everyone
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
20Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes
If you talk to a man in a language he understands, that goes to his head. If you talk to him in his own language, that goes to his heart.
Nelson Mandela

IELTS essay TPO 4, task 2 in twenty years, there will be fewer cars in use than there are today. Use reasons and examples to support your response. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
348 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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