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Should parents be obligated to immunize their children against common childhood diseases? Or do individuals have the right to choose not to immunize their children? What is your view of this practice? v.2

Should parents be obligated to immunize their children against common childhood diseases? Or do individuals have the right to choose not to immunize their children? What is your view of this practice? v. 2
Every infant needs and support of their parents from any danger at his/her early stage. Any disease can be fatal for infants because their immunity system is just started and yet to improve. So, according to me, parents should be obligated to immunize their children for childhood diseases. I will elaborate on my reasons in the ensuing paragraphs. First, vaccination helps as a safeguard against various common childhood diseases. However, children do not have a strong immune system that makes them vulnerable to diseases. Therefore, they must get vaccinated before and after birth. Additionally, numerous countries provide vaccines with pout any cost. For instance, India started an organization to give polio vaccines to each child an entire country. Moreover, all governments should start a grant to make available vaccines at a cheap rate. Second, sometimes parents do not immunize their children because of the lack of education. All government should start organizations that spread awareness about the benefits of vaccination and the hazards of diseases. If one child does not get immunized and suffers from any disability only because of lack of awareness. Children are not only holding the future of their parents, but they also hold the future of the nation. Also, disabilities cost money and time both for parents. If a child is not immunized, then he/she gets sick and that costs a lot more for parents to save from that disease. Lastly, vaccination eliminated numerous diseases that severely disabled people a few decades ago. For example, smallpox does not exist worldwide, so now children’s do not have to take shots for smallpox. The government spends a lot of human resources and money to do research to immunize children from diseases. If children do not get vaccinated, then all resources get waste. Let’s put in a nutshell, I strongly believe that parents should be obligated to immunize their children because it helps to protect the upcoming generation, and also make parents sincere towards their responsibilities.
Every infant needs and support of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
from any
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
danger
at his/her early stage. Any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
disease
can be fatal for infants
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
their immunity system is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
and
yet
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, according to me,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
should
be obligated
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
immunize
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
for childhood
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
diseases
. I will elaborate on my reasons in the ensuing paragraphs.

First
, vaccination
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
as a safeguard against various common childhood
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
diseases
.
However
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
do not have a strong immune system that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
them vulnerable to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
diseases
.
Therefore
, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
vaccinated
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
and after birth.
Additionally
, numerous countries provide vaccines with pout any cost.
For instance
, India
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
an organization to give polio vaccines to each child an entire country.
Moreover
, all
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
a grant to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
available vaccines at a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cheap
rate.

Second,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
do not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
immunize
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the lack of education. All
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
organizations that spread awareness about the benefits of vaccination and the hazards of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
diseases
. If one child does not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
immunized and suffers from any disability
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of lack of awareness.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
are not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
holding the future of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they
also
hold the future of the nation.
Also
, disabilities cost money and time both for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
. If a child is not immunized, then he/she
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
gets
sick and that costs a lot more for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
to save from that disease.

Lastly
, vaccination eliminated numerous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
diseases
that
severely
disabled
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
a few decades ago.
For example
, smallpox does not exist worldwide,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
do not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
take shots for smallpox. The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
spends
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
human resources and money to do research to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
immunize
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
diseases
. If
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
vaccinated, then all resources
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
waste.

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Let
’s put in a nutshell, I
strongly
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
should
be obligated
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
immunize
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
to protect the upcoming generation, and
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
sincere towards their responsibilities.
13Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
27Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes

IELTS essay Should parents be obligated to immunize their children against common childhood diseases? Or do individuals have the right to choose not to immunize their children? What is your view of this practice? v. 2

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
327 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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