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TPO-46 - Independent Writing TaskDo you agree or disagree with the following statement? The opinions of celebrities, such as famous entertainers and athletes, are more important to younger people than they are to older people. Use specific reasons and examp v.1

TPO-46 - Independent Writing Task The opinions of celebrities, such as famous entertainers and athletes, are more important to younger people than they are to older people. Use specific reasons and examp v. 1
There is a wide range of points of view on the subject of whether it is dangerous when people over the age of 60 works. While some still hold conventional view that individuals older than 60 can still benefit to the society and employers, it is my own conviction that it can cause lots of problems and I am against elderly people at workplaces. In some countries, people are required by the law to retire and there many reasons for that. The first and the most important are health problems connected to the age. In course of time, individual's speed of neurons becomes slower, which leads to problems such as bad eyesight, distracted attention and different brain related disease, like Alzheimer's disease. This can lead to serious issues related the safety of surrounding people as many details pass through the attention of aging people. For instance, a bus driver in years can just not mention a person walking in the crosswalk and seriously harm his health. Another important point that has to be mentioned is the fact that experienced workers create difficulties for younger ones, which makes finding a job quite tough task. This negative trend can be seen in many spheres of life, however the first one that comes to mind is politics. There was a study that revealed the average age of political workers in post Soviet Union countries and according to it the mean age is equal to 58, 7. This not only makes younger generation willing to work in politics unemployed, but also does not allow to flow of fresh ideas and innovative approaches to enter some countries. There are a lot of examples that lend credibility to this argument and one of them is Kazakhstan, where ruling party and its representatives that have not changed much over the time have been dominating for over a quarter century. To sum up, I again reaffirm my position and consider the idea of people to work after the age of 60 a negative one.
There is a wide range of points of view on the subject of whether it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
over the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
of 60 works. While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
still
hold conventional view that individuals older than 60 can
still
benefit to the society and employers, it is my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
conviction that it can cause lots of
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
problems and
I am against elderly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
at workplaces.

In
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
countries,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are required
by the law to retire and there
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
reasons for that. The
first
and the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
are health problems connected to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
. In course of time, individual's speed of neurons becomes slower, which leads to problems such as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
eyesight, distracted attention and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
brain related disease, like Alzheimer's disease. This can lead to serious issues related the safety of surrounding
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
details
pass through the attention of aging
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
For instance
, a bus driver in years can
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
not mention a person walking in the crosswalk and
seriously
harm his health.

Another
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
point that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
be mentioned
is the fact that experienced workers create difficulties for younger ones, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
finding a job quite tough task. This
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
trend can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
spheres of life,
however
the
first
one that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
to mind is politics. There was a study that revealed the average
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
of political workers in post Soviet Union countries and according to it the mean
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
is equal to 58, 7. This not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
younger generation willing to work in politics unemployed,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
does not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
to flow of fresh
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
and innovative approaches to enter
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
countries. There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
examples that lend credibility to this argument and one of them is Kazakhstan, where ruling party and its representatives that have not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
much over the time have been dominating for over a quarter century.

To sum up, I again reaffirm my position and consider the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to work after the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
of 60 a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
one.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay TPO-46 - Independent Writing Task The opinions of celebrities, such as famous entertainers and athletes, are more important to younger people than they are to older people. Use specific reasons and examp v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
336 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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