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Independent WritingDo you agree or disagree with the following statement? The most important way to improve people’s health is to clean the environment. v.1

Independent Writing The most important way to improve people’s health is to clean the environment. v. 1
Climate change indeed threatens the existence of humankind and the natural world, but some people argue that we should adapt to the changing. In my opinion, I do not support the latter idea because we still have time to tackle the issue, causing less harm to the Earth. The first reason why we have to keep our fighting for our planet is that the verge of extinction would impact on many kinds of creatures. In other words, natural habitats have been dangerously threatened with drought, wildfire, and many animals do not have a place to live or food to eat. For example, in Vietnam, the giraffe was a victim to numerous of temperature change, made them not able to continue due to lack of food and pollution from local factories. Due to the loss of these precious animals, the globe may suffer the lack of biological diversity, and it is hard for us to live on as the environment cannot develop without these animals. Furthermore, people will take hard lives because of the disaster. It is can be seen that global heating makes the sea level go higher, which means that a lot of cities will have completely covered with water, so they have to shut down. As a result, dwellers will have to immigrate to another area, causing overpopulation. Besides, problems can be also shown as diseases, famine, increased homeless and poverty, and the government cannot always come down with all the issues at once. The price of living with global warming, it is true more horrible and hazardous. In conclusion, we have to continue preventing and deciding what is good for the climate, not just let the pollution keep on progress.
Climate
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
indeed
threatens the existence of humankind and the natural world,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
argue that we should adapt to the changing. In my opinion, I do not support the latter
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
we
still
have time to tackle the issue, causing less harm to the Earth.

The
first
reason why we
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
our fighting for our planet is that the verge of extinction would impact on
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
kinds of creatures.
In other words
, natural habitats have been
dangerously
threatened with drought, wildfire, and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
animals do not have a place to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
or food to eat.
For example
, in Vietnam, the giraffe was a victim to numerous of temperature
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
, made them not able to continue due to lack of food and pollution from local factories. Due to the loss of these precious animals, the globe may suffer the lack of biological diversity, and it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
for us to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
on as the environment cannot develop without these animals.

Furthermore
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
will take
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the disaster. It is can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that global heating
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
the sea level go higher, which means that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
cities will have completely covered with water,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
shut down.
As a result
, dwellers will
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
immigrate to another area, causing overpopulation.
Besides
, problems can be
also
shown as diseases, famine, increased homeless and poverty, and the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
cannot always
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
down with all the issues at once. The price of living with global warming, it is true more horrible and hazardous.

In conclusion
, we
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
continue preventing and deciding what is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
for the climate, not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
the pollution
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
on progress.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Independent Writing The most important way to improve people’s health is to clean the environment. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
283 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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