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TPO 45In the past, young people depended too much on their parents to make decisions for them; today young people are better able to make decisions about their own lives. v.1

TPO 45In the past, young people depended too much on their parents to make decisions for them; today young people are better able to make decisions about their own lives. v. 1
There is a contentious debate over the human knowledge about the natural environment. This essay will look at some potential reasons leading to this phenomenon, and then suggest measures to deal with the problem. To begin with, there are considerable factors that contribute to the lack of knowledge about the natural world. The main culprit here is the separation from wildlife. It is obvious that people now live in the man-made regions under the form of cities, towns, and villages. In addition, the essences brought by natural world are not linked with people’s daily life. In the modern society, most of our daily basic demands, including food, water, clothes, and shelters are met without direct contact with the wildlife. Therefore, human find it dispensable to know more about the world outside. Moreover, the curriculum at school pays more attention on academic subjects such as mathematics, physics and so on but rarely have chances to have trips to forests, and sea to discover the wildlife. However, there are also several approaches to solve the issue. Firstly, official education makes a signification contribution to change people’s awareness about the natural world. The environment should be one of the compulsory subjects at school. Some trips to explore wildlife should be encouraged to scope widen knowledge. Besides, TV, and social media play a vital role to tackle the problem. For an instant, the government should organize some programs, competitions and movies about the nature and cover ubiquitous internet and TV. In conclusion, the life separation from wildlife and the human’s daily life are two main culprits leading to the lack of knowledge. Though, official education and sources of information can incentive people’s awareness of the problem.
There is a contentious debate over the human
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
knowledge
about the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
natural
environment. This essay will look at
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
potential reasons leading to this phenomenon, and then suggest measures to deal with the problem.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, there are considerable factors that contribute to the lack of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
knowledge
about the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
natural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
. The main culprit here is the separation from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wildlife
. It is obvious that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
-made regions under the form of cities, towns, and villages.
In addition
, the essences brought by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
natural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
are not linked with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
daily life. In the modern society, most of our daily basic demands, including food, water, clothes, and shelters
are met
without direct contact with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wildlife
.
Therefore
, human find it dispensable to know more about the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
outside.
Moreover
, the curriculum at school pays more attention on academic subjects such as mathematics, physics and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
rarely have chances to have trips to forests, and sea to discover the wildlife.

However
, there are
also
several approaches to solve the issue.
Firstly
, official education
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
a signification contribution to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
awareness about the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
natural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
. The environment should be one of the compulsory subjects at school.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
trips to explore
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wildlife
should
be encouraged
to scope widen
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
knowledge
.
Besides
, TV, and social media play a vital role to tackle the problem. For an instant, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should organize
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
programs, competitions and movies about the nature and cover ubiquitous internet and TV.

In conclusion
, the life separation from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wildlife
and the human’s daily life are two main culprits leading to the lack of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
knowledge
. Though, official education and sources of information can incentive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
awareness of the problem.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
If you talk to a man in a language he understands, that goes to his head. If you talk to him in his own language, that goes to his heart.
Nelson Mandela

IELTS essay TPO 45In the past, young people depended too much on their parents to make decisions for them; today young people are better able to make decisions about their own lives. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
282 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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