Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

Some believe that people should get a job right after school. Others say they should attend university. Discuss both views and state your opinion. v.1

Some believe that people should get a job right after school. Others say they should attend university. v. 1
Nowadays, our environment is heavily encapsulated with different forms of advertisements, and this is having an enormous impact on our lives. It is important to consider if the benefits of these effects outweigh its disadvantages. In my opinion, there are more drawbacks from the outcomes of advertisements. To some scholars, advertisement has positive influences on society. They assert that advertising, which is a key part of modern business, helps create jobs, and it also has increased the standard of living as it improves the economy. For example, it is estimated that advertisement contributes about 2% to the Nigerian GDP and employs about 100 thousand people. In their view, without advertising, there would be a higher unemployment rate. However, I believe that in spite of these positive views, there are more negative effects of advertisements. One of such is that advertisers focus usually on selling brands with considerations of the impact such brand have on people. Take for instance the consequences tobacco has on people’s health. Despite it being the most important risk factor for cancer, which is the most prevalent health burden in advance countries, advertising companies still go ahead to promote it because it is marketable. Furthermore, the persuasive nature of the industry makes it easier to influence minors who might not have the ability to make informed choices. As a result, if this impact is not curbed, our children might be at the mercy of what advertising agencies put out. To recapitulate, although experts believe that advertisement industry helps the economy, there seems to be loss of moral in it, and there are increasingly influencing teens in a more negative way that positive
Nowadays, our environment is
heavily
encapsulated with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
forms of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
, and this is having an enormous impact on our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
. It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to consider if the benefits of these effects outweigh its disadvantages. In my opinion, there are more drawbacks from the outcomes of advertisements.

To
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
scholars,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisement
has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
influences on society. They assert that advertising, which is a key part of modern business,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
create jobs, and it
also
has increased the standard of living as it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improves
the economy.
For example
, it
is estimated
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisement
contributes about 2% to the Nigerian GDP and employs about 100 thousand
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
. In their view, without advertising, there would be a higher unemployment rate.

However
, I believe that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
in spite of
these
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
views, there are more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effects of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
. One of such is that advertisers focus
usually
on selling brands with considerations of the impact such brand have on
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
. Take
for instance
the
Apostrophe might be missing. Did you mean "consequences'" or "consequence's"?
consequences
tobacco has on
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
’s health. Despite it being the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
factor for cancer, which is the most prevalent health burden in advance countries, advertising
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
still
go ahead to promote it
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it is marketable.
Furthermore
, the persuasive nature of the industry
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
it easier to influence minors who might not have the ability to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
informed choices.
As a result
, if this impact is not curbed, our children might be at the mercy of what advertising agencies put out.

To recapitulate, although experts believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisement
industry
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
the economy, there seems to be loss of moral in it, and there are
increasingly
influencing teens in a more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
way that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
The most intimate temper of a people, its deepest soul, is above all in its language.
Jules Michelet

IELTS essay Some believe that people should get a job right after school. Others say they should attend university. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
274 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Similar posts


Recent posts