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TPO 45- independent writing taskDo you agree or disagree with the following statement? In the past, young people depended too much on their parents to make decisions for them; today young people are better able to make decisions about their own lives. Use s v.2

TPO 45- independent writing task In the past, young people depended too much on their parents to make decisions for them; today young people are better able to make decisions about their own lives. Use s v. 2
At some point we have to make important decisions for our life, and change something very big in life. Some people thinks that in past, young people depended on their parents to make decisions for them, while today, young people are capable of making decisions for their own lives. In my view, this statement is true which I will elaborate on this subject more. Firstly, young people nowadays tend to have more knowledge than those in past. Due to presence of internet, television and books, people know what are the consequence of doing a certain thing because everyday, some people that have experience in the same task, share their knowledge on medias. in past, just parents were the main source of information. So, young people had to rely on their parents experience. Second, parents are very busy these days and cannot help their children to choose the correct decision. The cost of living is very high, and fathers and mothers have to work more hours to gather money for living. As the result, young people have to rely on themselves to think and to search about their available choices, while parents in past did not have many work to do, and they were able to help their children to decide better. For example, people in past were free at nights and did not have any entertainment device to spend their time with it, so in order fill their nights, they spent more time with their children to know what are their children' s plans for future. Finally, young people of the current world have broader connection than those of past. Because everyone goes to school and finds a lot of friend, when they grow up, their connections will be very strong, but people in past did not have many communities or gropus to particpiate and young people had limited connections while their parents had more connections because they were more engaged in society than their children. Basically, I think young people of the current world are better able to decide for their own lives than young people in past who were dependent on their parents because more knowledge and more connection is available no; parents are busier compared to parents of old period.
At
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
point we
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
decisions
for our life, and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
something
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
in life.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
thinks
that in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
past
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
depended on their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
decisions
for them, while
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are capable of making
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
decisions
for their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
. In my view, this statement is true which I will elaborate on this subject more.

Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
nowadays tend to have more knowledge than those in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
past
. Due to presence of internet, television and books,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
know what are the consequence of doing a certain thing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
'Everyday' is an adjective. Did you mean "every day"?
everyday
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
that have experience in the same task, share their knowledge on medias. in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
past
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
were the main source of information.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
had to rely on their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
experience.

Second,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
busy these days and cannot
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to choose the correct
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
decision
. The cost of living is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
high, and fathers and mothers
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
work more hours to gather money for living. As the result,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
rely on themselves to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
and to search about their available choices, while
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
past
did not have
Possible agreement error. The noun work seems to be countable; consider using: "many works".
many work
to do, and they were able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to decide better.
For example
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
past
were free at nights and did not have any entertainment device to spend their time with it,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
in order fill their nights, they spent more time with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to know what are their
Possible spelling mistake found.
children&
#039; s plans for future.

Finally
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
world have broader
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
connection
than those of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
past
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
everyone goes to school and finds
Possible agreement error. The noun friend seems to be countable; consider using: "a lot of friends".
a lot of friend
, when they grow up, their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
connections
will be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
strong,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
past
did not have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
communities or
Possible spelling mistake found.
gropus
to
Possible spelling mistake found.
particpiate
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
had limited
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
connections
while their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
had more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
connections
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they were more engaged in society than their children.

Basically
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
world are better able to decide for their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
past
who were dependent on their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
more knowledge and more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
connection
is available no;
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
are busier compared to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
period.
3Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
53Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
10Mistakes
One who speaks only one language is one person, but one who speaks two languages is two people.
Turkish proverb

IELTS essay TPO 45- independent writing task In the past, young people depended too much on their parents to make decisions for them; today young people are better able to make decisions about their own lives. Use s v. 2

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
373 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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