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topic: Some people think that a huge amount of time and money is spent on the protection of wild animals, and that this money could be better spent on the human population. To what extend do you agree or disagree with this opinion? v.2

topic: Some people think that a huge amount of time and money is spent on the protection of wild animals, and that this money could be better spent on the human population. with this opinion? v. 2
some people think that it is necessary to invest time and money in wild animals, while others suggest that spending this money on humans should be prioritized. in my perspective, people should keep a balance between the amount of money used for humans and wild animals. On the on hand, money and effort should be spent on the welfare of humans, both in developed and developing countries. That is because there are a number of populations need to be given more welfare benefits. In terms of minority ethnics in VietNam, for example, many people are facing with the poverty and homelessness. Therefore, the local and national authorities should focus on raising fundings to help people to overcome these emerging situations. Moreover, regarding education problems, a big number of people in remote areas are less likely to access shooling systems. Hence, it is vital to invest in building schools and upgrade educational standards in these regions in order to improve people' s knowledge and human civilisation. On the other hand, it is necessary for people to spend money and time on the protection for wild animals. That is because wildlife plays a crucial role in the development of ecotourism and preserving Biological diversity, which animals can be protected and developed further. Therefore, the ecotourism is likely to appeal to more visitors which provide local people with a number of job opportunities. Additionally, various kinds of animals make a significant contribution in some scientific researches, especially in terms of medical research. For instance, people can conduct researches on wild animals to invent vaccines and drugs. In conclusion, it is better to make an investment in both humans and wild animals to make sure the mutual development of society.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that it is necessary to invest time and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
in wild
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
, while others suggest that spending this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
humans
should
be prioritized
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
in
my perspective,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
a balance between the amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
humans
and wild animals.

On the on hand,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
and effort should
be spent
on the welfare of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
humans
, both in developed and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
developing countries
.
That is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
there are a number of populations need to be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
more welfare benefits. In terms of minority ethnics in
Possible spelling mistake found.
VietNam
,
for example
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are facing with the poverty and homelessness.
Therefore
, the local and national authorities should focus on raising
Possible spelling mistake found.
fundings
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to overcome these emerging situations.
Moreover
, regarding education problems, a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in remote areas are less likely to access
Possible spelling mistake found.
shooling
systems.
Hence
, it is vital to invest in building schools and upgrade educational standards in these regions in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
Possible spelling mistake found.
people&
#039; s knowledge and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
Possible spelling mistake. 'civilisation' is British English.
civilisation
.

On the other hand
, it is necessary for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to spend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
and time on the protection for wild
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
.
That is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
wildlife plays a crucial role in the development of ecotourism and preserving Biological diversity, which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
can
be protected
and developed
further
.
Therefore
, the ecotourism is likely to appeal to more visitors which provide local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
with a number of job opportunities.
Additionally
, various kinds of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a significant contribution in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
scientific researches,
especially
in terms of medical research.
For instance
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can conduct researches on wild
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
to invent vaccines and drugs.

In conclusion
, it is better to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
an investment in both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
humans
and wild
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
sure the mutual development of society.
15Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
25Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay topic: Some people think that a huge amount of time and money is spent on the protection of wild animals, and that this money could be better spent on the human population. with this opinion? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
286 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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