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TPO14-Task2Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? People benefit more from traveling in their own country than from traveling to foreign countries. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer. v.4

TPO14-Task2 People benefit more from traveling in their own country than from traveling to foreign countries. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer. v. 4
Today, people undergo the rapid change of their surroundings and also the stress of their daily works. Therefore, they need to relieve their stress by traveling to new places at certain times. When it comes to selecting the location of the trip, controversy surrounds the idea of whether people should choose their own country or far-off countries. I believe that people should experience seeing their home country rather than in foreign countries. I will elaborate on my rationale in the following paragraphs. For one thing, people can contribute to the domestic economy by traveling to the cities in their own country. The local finance can be benefited from these trips in a way that the whole country’s monetary issues can be solved by attracting visitors from nearby cities. By this means, the government can stop allocating the unnecessary budget to that region because they can earn money by themselves. The government can allocate the budget for the needy areas instead. Another essential thing to be mentioned is that traveling to domestic destinations can contribute to the development of transportation. If people visit one city, its residents or the government will try to improve the ways to reach that destination. Take my city, for example. I live in the coastal town, where there is no means to travel to the nearby villages with the exotic environment. Visitors came to the villages by some young people showing the beautiful atmosphere of the village by Instagram. However, today, thanks to the visitors call to the government by twitter, there are many efficient transportation means to our city and the nearby villages. However, visiting foreign countries can widen our horizons by seeing their culture, people, and living styles. By traveling to developed countries, we can not only experience their religion but can exert the efficient methods they use to live a better life. This can open our mind to deliver the new techniques for the development of our society or the improvement of our daily life. Take our scientists, for instance. The government sent its adept scholars to the far-off developed countries to learn and get the novel innovations. Then, they brought all the things they experienced for our country to help develop the nation. All in all, traveling to domestic destinations can contribute to the economy of the country as well as helping advance the transportation of that region. However, the advantages of going to foreign countries are, of course not insignificant to be disregarded.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Today
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
undergo the rapid
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
of their surroundings and
also
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
of their daily works.
Therefore
, they need to relieve their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
by traveling to new places at certain times. When it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
to selecting the location of the trip, controversy surrounds the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
of whether
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should choose their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
or far-off
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
. I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should experience seeing their home
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
rather
than in foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
. I will elaborate on my rationale in the following paragraphs.

For one thing,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can contribute to the domestic economy by traveling to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
in their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
. The local finance can
be benefited
from these trips in a way that the whole
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country’s
monetary issues can
be solved
by attracting visitors from nearby
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
. By this means, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
allocating the unnecessary budget to that region
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they can earn money by themselves. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
can allocate the budget for the needy areas
instead
.

Another essential thing to
be mentioned
is that traveling to domestic destinations can contribute to the development of transportation. If
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
visit one city, its residents or the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
will try to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the ways to reach that destination. Take my city,
for example
. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in the coastal town, where there is no means to travel to the nearby villages with the exotic environment. Visitors came to the villages by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
showing the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
beautiful
atmosphere of the village by Instagram.
However
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
, thanks to the visitors call to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
by twitter, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
efficient transportation means to our city and the nearby villages.

However
, visiting foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
can widen our horizons by seeing their culture,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, and living styles. By traveling to developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
, we can not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
experience their religion
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
can exert the efficient methods they
Make sure that 'use to' is correct. For habitual actions in the past or to mean 'accustomed to', use "used to".
use to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
a better life. This can open our mind to deliver the new techniques for the development of our society or the improvement of our daily life. Take our scientists,
for instance
. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sent
its adept scholars to the far-off developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
to learn and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
the novel innovations. Then, they brought all the things they experienced for our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
develop the nation.

All in all, traveling to domestic destinations can contribute to the economy of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
as well
as helping advance the transportation of that region.
However
, the advantages of going to foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
are,
of course
not insignificant to
be disregarded
.
13Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
26Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay TPO14-Task2 People benefit more from traveling in their own country than from traveling to foreign countries. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer. v. 4

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
412 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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