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Tpo 39Question 1A friend of yours is thinking of taking a year off to work before going to a university. Explain to your friend why this is or is not a good idea. v.1

Tpo 39Question 1A friend of yours is thinking of taking a year off to work before going to a university. Explain to your friend why this is or is not a good idea. v. 1
It is considered by some people that music is a key way to combine various cultures and person who having different ages. In my opinion, it works as mediator and people become more friendly and increase their contact with whom having same interest. To Begin with, one important point is that music is liked by all the age people and they like to hear it any place. Because it expands the frequency of communication between younger and older increase. It creates a harmony between them as they have the same choice. For Example, Indian Garba songs are well known in the entire world. A Person that lives outside India always eager to learn that Indian traditional dance if they know that you are Indian. In addition to that, there are possibility that person can increase their contact which helps them in later years of life. Seondly, music work as stress reliever for all ages and cultural people. Even it also helps when someone is in hospital and suffering from decease then listening some songs create a positivity in their mind. Lastly, most adolescent likes to hear an English song and they follow that artists as well. So, they want to know all about their personal life, even if they belong to from different culture and want to attend their concert at any part of the world. Therefore, it has also expanded the tourism sector of the nation which helps in overall growth of the world. In conclusion, While music is used by all ages people as it work as refreshment, positivity, knowledge of different cultures and increase the contact of ones. Government should also support musical events in the country.
It
is considered
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
is a key way to combine various cultures and person who having
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ages
. In my opinion, it works as mediator and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
become more friendly and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
increase
their contact with whom having same interest.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Begin
with, one
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
point is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
is liked
by all the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
people and
they like to hear it any place.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
it expands the frequency of communication between younger and older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
increase
. It creates a harmony between them as they have the same choice.
For Example
, Indian
Possible spelling mistake found.
Garba
songs are well known in the entire world. A Person that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
outside India always eager to learn that Indian traditional dance if they know that you are Indian.
In addition
to that, there are possibility that person can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
increase
their contact which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
them in later years of life.

Possible spelling mistake found.
Seondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
work as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
reliever for all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ages
and cultural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. Even it
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
when someone is in hospital and suffering from decease then listening
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
songs create a positivity in their mind.
Lastly
, most adolescent likes to hear an English
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
song and
they follow that artists
as well
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, they want to know all about their personal life, even if they belong to from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
culture and want to attend their concert at any part of the world.
Therefore
, it has
also
expanded the tourism sector of the nation which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
in
overall
growth of the world.

In conclusion
, While
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
by all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ages
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
as it work as refreshment, positivity, knowledge of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
cultures and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
increase
the contact of ones.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Government
should
also
support musical
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
in the country.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Tpo 39Question 1A friend of yours is thinking of taking a year off to work before going to a university. Explain to your friend why this is or is not a good idea. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
280 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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