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Tpo 39 Students who live off campus often get to campus by car I propose that the university create a student ride sharing program where students who live in the same area would form groups of four with each group driving to campus together in one car The v.1

Tpo 39 Students who live off campus often get to campus by car I propose that the university create a student ride sharing program where students who live in the same area would form groups of four with each group driving to campus together in one car The v. 1
The health care system is a pivotal element for every inhabitant, even less when the overpopulation is occurring in the certain areas. This would be a huge problem with the fitness of society, unless improving the human resources in medical by introducing more physical education lessons in the school curriculum. However, in my viewpoint, that suggestion could avoid from health issues which will be investigated in this essay before a rational conclusion. Supporting the sport and exercise in the school is going to be dealt among the overweight inhabitants for the sake of a fit body. First and foremost, providing the athletic education in the class could draw an interest among students since it brings a game and fun as well as it could naturally make the body to be fit. As a result, they would prevent from any unhealthy condition. Also, the more student who loves to learn about that subject, the more benefits to the improvement of health. By means that the health issues would be decreasing even though the population density. On the other hand, they said that focusing more to the sports lessons for children in schools would probably result in children developing an interest in exercise, which might filter through to other members of their family and have a longer lasting effect. In other words, parents with sporty children are more likely to get involved in sport as a step of encouraging their children. By both parents and children being involved, it would ensure that children grow up to incorporate sport into their daily lives. This is certainly a natural and lasting way to improve public health. By way of conclusion, introducing more about the sport lesson in the school could be an effective and easiest manner to keep a lifestyle from an unhealthy body in high density population. As I would state that keeping a daily exercise would be the natural method to avoid from any health issue.
The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
care system is a pivotal element for every inhabitant, even less when the overpopulation is occurring in the certain areas. This would be a huge problem with the fitness of society, unless improving the human resources in medical by introducing more physical education lessons in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
curriculum.
However
, in my viewpoint, that suggestion could avoid from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
issues which will
be investigated
in this essay
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
a rational conclusion.

Supporting the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
and exercise in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
is going to
be dealt
among the overweight inhabitants for the sake of a fit body.
First
and foremost, providing the athletic education in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
could draw an interest among students since it brings a game and fun
as well
as it could
naturally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the body to
be fit
.
As a result
, they would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
from any unhealthy condition.
Also
, the more student who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
loves
to learn about that subject, the more benefits to the improvement of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
. By means that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
issues would be decreasing
even though
the population density.

On the other hand
, they said that focusing more to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
lessons for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
would
probably
result in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
developing an interest in exercise, which might filter through to other members of their family and have a longer lasting effect.
In other words
, parents with sporty
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are more likely to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
involved in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
as a step of encouraging their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. By both parents and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
being involved
, it would ensure that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
grow up to incorporate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
into their daily
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
. This is
certainly
a natural and lasting way to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
public health.

By way of conclusion, introducing more about the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
lesson in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
could be an effective and easiest manner to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
a lifestyle from an unhealthy body in high density population.
“As” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
As
I would state that keeping a daily exercise would be the natural method to avoid from any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
issue.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
Knowledge of languages is the doorway to wisdom.
Roger Bacon

IELTS essay Tpo 39 Students who live off campus often get to campus by car I propose that the university create a student ride sharing program where students who live in the same area would form groups of four with each group driving to campus together in one car The v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
324 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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