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Tpo 39Students who live off-campus often get to campus by car. I propose that the university create a student ride-sharing program, where students who live in the same area would form groups of four with each group driving to campus together in one car. T v.1

Tpo 39Students who live off-campus often get to campus by car. I propose that the university create a student ride-sharing program, where students who live in the same area would form groups of four with each group driving to campus together in one car. T v. 1
Some people fond of extreme sports, such as skydiving and bungee jumping these days and who has the responsibility to save them when they are in danger has become a hot topic of discussion. Some people perceive that they have the duty to look after their valuable life, so rescue workers shouldn’t put themselves in danger to save them. In this essay, I shall discuss why I believe that people are accountable for their life but why rescue workers also play a vital role due to some unforeseen circumstances. There are various compelling reasons why a growing number of people want to take participate in numerous extreme sports even though there are dangerous and the prominent one is that the way how we view this world could be totally changed by doing these activities as it can effectively broaden the horizon of our life. Additionally, people can grasp a wide range of experiences and skills that will reward them later on in the future. For instance, a recent study conducted in Japan has revealed that people who enjoy challenging themselves by joining in extreme sports tend to be more resilient and optimistic compared to their peers. As can be seen, these advantages have profound impacts on individual’s future development. However, every coin has two sides. People may encounter some circumstances beyond their control, including horrible weathers and natural disasters and in this case, rescue workers are required because of their professional skills and relevant equipment which can really make a difference. For example, many travelers trapped in the mountain of Nepal due to the earthquake in 2016 and they were rescued eventually by the rescue team of the government. For this reason, rescue works are crucial for saving people’s life. To sum up, people’s opinion towards who hold the responsibility for people’s life is various. Taking everything into consideration, I’m inclined to say that people are accountable for their life and professional staff is also significant due to unforeseen circumstance.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
fond of extreme sports, such as skydiving and bungee jumping these days and who has the responsibility to save them when they are in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
danger
has become a hot topic of discussion.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
perceive that they have the duty to look after their valuable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rescue
workers shouldn’t put themselves in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
danger
to save them. In this essay, I shall discuss why I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are accountable for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rescue
workers
also
play a vital role due to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
unforeseen circumstances.

There are various compelling reasons why a growing number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
want to take participate in numerous extreme sports
even though
there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
and the prominent one is that the way how we view this world could be
totally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
by doing these activities as it can
effectively
broaden the horizon of our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
Additionally
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can grasp a wide range of experiences and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
that will reward them later on in the future.
For instance
, a recent study conducted in Japan has revealed that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who enjoy challenging themselves by joining in extreme sports tend to be more resilient and optimistic compared to their peers. As can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
, these advantages have profound impacts on individual’s future development.

However
, every coin has two sides.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
may encounter
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
circumstances beyond their control, including horrible weathers and natural disasters and
in this case
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rescue
workers
are required
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of their professional
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and relevant equipment which can
really
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a difference.
For example
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
travelers trapped in the mountain of Nepal due to the earthquake in
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
2016 and
they
were rescued
eventually
by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rescue
team of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
.
For this reason
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rescue
works are crucial for saving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
life.

To sum up,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
opinion towards who hold the responsibility for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
is various. Taking everything into consideration, I’m inclined to say that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are accountable for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
and professional staff is
also
significant due to unforeseen circumstance.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Tpo 39Students who live off-campus often get to campus by car. I propose that the university create a student ride-sharing program, where students who live in the same area would form groups of four with each group driving to campus together in one car. T v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
330 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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