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TPO 38 Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Leadership comes naturally: one cannot learn to be a leader. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer. v.1

TPO 38 Leadership comes naturally: one cannot learn to be a leader. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer. v. 1
Nowadays, education and money are distant entities. But with rapid globalization, schools started facing stiff competition from their peers to provide a far better quality of higher education. Like any quality service in the market costs more money, so does better quality education. So is education too privatized today? First of all, the government provides many advantages to the private sector in order to encourage it, by the exemption of taxes and the contribution in building the education institution. However the state is often faced with budgetary constraints and are unable to provide enough funds to schools for the purpose of equitable education. Thus, brought about an increase in the share of public financing. To illustrate, since 2008 more than 300 public schools in metropolitan as Casablanca, Tangier, Fes, has closed due to the lack of financing. Secondly, private school promotes a good quality of education to attract more and more parents. By more facilities and advanced technology like (podcast, loudspeakers, tablets, computers, playing field…. ) Which are not available in the public school. Consequently, that makes parents want for their children an education better from that offered in public schools. For example, a study show that over than 70% of children are enrolled in the private school in urban cities. Thirdly, private schools promise brighter students, indeed student is given a special attention and guidance by teachers. And also by the continual evaluation in order to uplift student weaknesses. In addition, private institution my contains only 20 students, which makes them learn in a captivating atmosphere in spite of their peers in public schools that may exceed 44 students. A study by Harvard University found that private school students averaged higher than their public school counterparts on standardized tests in 11 of 12 comparisons of students. To conclude, the education has become too commercialized to the non-performance of the public educational system and the meet of educational objectives by private schools, and while privatization has opened up the possibility of participation in education do you believe that student opportunities will be equally fair?
Nowadays,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
and money are distant entities.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
with rapid globalization,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
facing stiff competition from their peers to provide a far better
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
quality
of higher
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
. Like any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
quality
service in the market costs more money,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
does better
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
quality
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
too privatized
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
?

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
provides
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
advantages to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
private
sector in order to encourage it, by the exemption of taxes and the contribution in building the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
institution.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
However
the state is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
faced with budgetary constraints and are unable to provide
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
funds to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
for the purpose of equitable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
.
Thus
, brought about an increase in the share of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
financing. To illustrate, since 2008 more than 300
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
in metropolitan as Casablanca, Tangier,
Possible spelling mistake found.
Fes
, has closed due to the lack of financing.

Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
private
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
promotes a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
quality
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
to attract more and more parents. By more facilities and advanced technology like (podcast, loudspeakers, tablets, computers, playing field….
Loose punctuation mark.
)
Which are not available in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
.
Consequently
, that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
parents want for their children an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
better from that offered in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
.
For example
, a study
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
that over than 70% of children
are enrolled
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
private
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
in urban cities.

Thirdly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
private
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
promise brighter
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
,
indeed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
a special attention and guidance by teachers. And
also
by the continual evaluation in order to uplift
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
weaknesses.
In addition
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
private
institution my contains
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
20
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
them learn in a captivating atmosphere
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
in spite of
their peers in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
that may exceed 44
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
. A study by Harvard University found that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
private
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
averaged higher than their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
counterparts on standardized
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
tests
in 11 of 12 comparisons of students.

To conclude
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
has become too commercialized to the non-performance of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
educational system and the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
of educational objectives by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
private
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
, and while privatization has opened up the possibility of participation in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
do you believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
opportunities will be
equally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fair
?
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay TPO 38 Leadership comes naturally: one cannot learn to be a leader. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer. v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
344 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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