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Many more people travel nowadays than in the past. What impact does this increase in tourism have on the countries that they visit? v.1

Many more people travel nowadays than in the past. What impact does this increase in tourism have on the countries that they visit? v. 1
In recent days, physical activities have become everyday routine for all age groups. Some argue that parents should take chances and involve their kids for regular activities, instead of school taking responsibility and wasting the time in sporting. I totally disagree with this statement. This essay explains the role of parents and school management in daily physical activities. Kids mostly spend their time in school with teachers and other kids. Management should invest time and money on both academic and extra activities, by hiring professional trainers. It is a place where one can learn many skills not limited to study. Moreover, parents are paying fees for both academic and extracurricular activities. To be specific, most of the children don't have access to sporting equipments at their home. On the other side of the argument, parents should also have an eye on their offspring even though, they are busy. Most of the parents don't have time to check their kids, whether they are involved in sporting activities or not. They simply take them and join them in outside classes like swimming and fitness centres. For example, my neighbour who has 6 years boy, will take him daily to swimming classes and return back without knowing the progress of the kid. In conclusion, both the parents and school management have the equal responsibility to have a look at their children in case of the physical activity. I strongly oppose the idea of cutting sports classes and concentrating only on academics which leads to future health issues
In recent days, physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
have become everyday routine for all age groups.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
argue that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
should take chances and involve their kids for regular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
,
instead
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
taking responsibility and wasting the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
in sporting. I
totally
disagree with this statement. This essay
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explains
the role of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
management in daily physical activities.

Kids
mostly
spend their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
with teachers and other kids. Management should invest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
and money on both academic and extra
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
, by hiring professional trainers. It is a place where one can learn
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
not limited to study.
Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
are paying fees for both academic and extracurricular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
. To be specific, most of the children don't have access to sporting equipments at their home.

On the other side of the argument,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
should
also
have an eye on their offspring
even though
, they are busy. Most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
don't have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
check
their kids, whether they
are involved
in sporting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
or not. They
simply
take them and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
join
them in outside classes like swimming and fitness
Possible spelling mistake. 'centres' is British English.
centres
.
For example
, my
Possible spelling mistake. 'neighbour' is British English.
neighbour
who has 6 years boy, will take him daily to swimming classes and
Consider using "return".
return back
without knowing the progress of the kid.

In conclusion
, both the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
management have the equal responsibility to have a look at their children in case of the physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
. I
strongly
oppose the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
of cutting sports classes and concentrating
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
on academics which leads to future health
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
issues
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Many more people travel nowadays than in the past. What impact does this increase in tourism have on the countries that they visit? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
253 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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