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TPO 36 -Q2Some people buy food that is already prepared. Other people buy fresh food and prepare meals themselves. Which do you prefer? Explain why, using details and examples in your answer. v.1

TPO 36 -Q2Some people buy food that is already prepared. Other people buy fresh food and prepare meals themselves. Which do you prefer? Explain why, using details and examples in your answer. v. 1
The role of music to children continues to be a controversial issue among society, with some people think that the achievements of playing a musical instrument is an important part for youngsters. Personally, I completely agree with this idea because of the ability of music to bring some benefits to the younger generation. The first reason for this is that playing the instrument helps children learn to be patient because it takes a lot of time and constantly practicing. For example, to learn how to play piano usually takes at least half a year to a year. Moreover, it also helps children improve the memory of the brain because often repeat the music playing. As a result, the brain will practice memory skills so young children remember knowledge longer and faster while at school. In addition to the reason above, it helps develop the ability to communicate, combination and work in teams. For instance, to complete a symphony everyone needs to coordinate and communicate with each other to achieve the best results. Therefore, child will confidently communicate, express themselves and actively participate in group activities. Furthermore, according to researchers, music helps people relax, reduce stress and it used by doctors to treat depression effectively. This is a way to help children learn to overcome difficulties themselves. In conclusion, the benefits of music are undeniable, so I personally think that parents should for their children learn an instrument because the ability to play an instrument benefits any child and that it should have been from a young age.
The role of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
continues to be a controversial issue among society, with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that the achievements of playing a musical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
instrument
is an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
part for youngsters.
Personally
, I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the ability of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
to bring
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
benefits to the younger generation.

The
first
reason for this is that playing the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
instrument
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
helps
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
to be patient
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it takes
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
time and
constantly
practicing.
For example
, to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
how to play piano
usually
takes at least half a year to a year.
Moreover
, it
also
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
helps
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the memory of the brain
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
repeat the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
playing.
As a result
, the brain will practice memory
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
remember knowledge longer and faster while at school.

In addition
to the reason above, it
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
helps
develop the ability to communicate, combination and work in teams.
For instance
, to complete a symphony everyone needs to coordinate and communicate with each other to achieve the best results.
Therefore
, child will
confidently
communicate, express themselves and
actively
participate in group activities.
Furthermore
, according to researchers,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
helps
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
relax,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
and it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
by doctors to treat depression
effectively
. This is a way to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
to overcome difficulties themselves.

In conclusion
, the benefits of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
are undeniable,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
I
personally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that parents should for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
instrument
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the ability to play an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
instrument
benefits any child and that it should have been from a young age.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay TPO 36 -Q2Some people buy food that is already prepared. Other people buy fresh food and prepare meals themselves. Which do you prefer? Explain why, using details and examples in your answer. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
257 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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