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TPO 35 independentDo you agree or disagree with the following statement? Famous entertainers and athletes deserve to have more privacy than they have now. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer. v.1

TPO 35 independent Famous entertainers and athletes deserve to have more privacy than they have now. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer. v. 1
There is a saying that a brain that is open for learning will never remain the same. Although it is quite acceptable for some people to think that it is only through travelling that we can gain new insight, yet it is out of question for others. In my opinion, I strongly disagree that moving from one place to another expands the mind for new ideas, and in the following paragraphs I will give reasons to support this statement. One reason why I disagree that travelling expands our horizon is because reading books provides a better perspective by taking the reader through a mind blowing journey, thus providing the book reader with fresh insight. Although book reading can be done while sitting, yet the reader travels several miles and experience new culture and ways of life. For example, a recent survey by the University of Nigeria on the importance of reading shows that a person that reads books is more adept than a traveller. Another reason why I disagree that travelling changes people's horizon is that a person can broaden his or her mind by interacting with someone that is knowledgeable on a subject matter. There is always an exchange of ideas while interacting with such fellow. For example, I gain new insight when talking with someone that is well vested in a subject, and this helps broaden my horizon. To sum up, while some people might conclude that it is only through travelling we could develop new insight, which is quite understandable. In my opinion, I strongly disagree with that statement because one can develop new insight through reading and interacting with a knowledgeable person.
There is a saying that a brain
that is
open for learning will never remain the same. Although it is quite acceptable for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
through
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
travelling
that we can gain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
insight
,
yet
it is out of question for others. In my opinion, I
strongly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
disagree
that moving from one place to another expands the mind for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
, and in the following paragraphs I will give reasons to support this statement.

One reason why I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
disagree
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
travelling
expands our horizon is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reading
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
provides a better perspective by taking the reader
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
through
a
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
mind blowing
journey,
thus
providing the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
book
reader with fresh
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
insight
. Although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
book
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reading
can
be done
while sitting,
yet
the reader travels several miles and experience
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
culture and ways of life.
For example
, a recent survey by the University of Nigeria on the importance of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reading
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that a person that reads
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
is more adept than a
Possible spelling mistake found.
traveller
.

Another reason why I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
disagree
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
travelling
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's horizon is that a person can broaden
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
his or her
mind by interacting with someone
that is
knowledgeable on a
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "subject".
subject matter
. There is always an exchange of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
while interacting with such fellow.
For example
, I gain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
insight
when talking with someone
that is
well vested in a subject, and this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
broaden my horizon.

To sum up, while
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
might conclude that it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
through
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
travelling
we could develop
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
insight
, which is quite understandable. In my opinion, I
strongly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
disagree
with that statement
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
one can develop
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
insight
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
through
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reading
and interacting with a knowledgeable person.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay TPO 35 independent Famous entertainers and athletes deserve to have more privacy than they have now. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
276 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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