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TPO 32 - Question 4 Choice-Supportive Bias People often make decisions by considering the advantages and disadvantages of each option. However, after a person selects an option, there is a tendency for that person to exhibit the choice- supportive bias. A v.1

TPO 32 - Question 4 Choice-Supportive Bias People often make decisions by considering the advantages and disadvantages of each option. However, after a person selects an option, there is a tendency for that person to exhibit the choice- supportive bias. A v. 1
Some students prefer computer games over real sports in the modern era, and this situation is having grave consequences on the present society. There are multiple reasons for this scenario and in the following essay, I would like to discuss its causes and remedies to combat them. To begin with, advancement in technology is the major culprit for this scenario. It has become a lot easier for young adolescents get their hands on devices like PlayStations, gaming consoles, virtual reality, multiplayer games etc. Hence, they prefer these devices over real outdoor or indoor sports. With the latest graphics and gaming experience, young students are showing more interest in playing a game in a PC or a smartphone rather than going outside into the sun and sweat to play. To illustrate, according to a recent survey conducted in our university, the number of students playing an online game called PUBG(Player Unknown Battlegrounds) was more than three times the total number of students participating in all available real-time sports in our college. This demonstrates the impact of e-gaming on students. Secondly, parents are also contributing to the rise of students opting for PC gaming over real-time games. It has become very convenient for a parent to hand over mobile to a kid rather than taking him/her outside, to keep them busy for a long time. This habit is having serious effects on children's health. Playing for long hours sitting in front of a computer or on a mobile phone without any physical activity is making a lot of young students obese. For example, recent statistics are showing the number of overweight students in the age group of 8-15 years have nearly quadrupled in the past decade in developed nations. This enunciates the monstrosity of the situation we are in. Various things can be done to combat the issue such as restricting the usage of electronic devices by young individuals, educating the students about the harmful effects of e-gaming on their health, enlightening them with the benefits of outdoor or indoor real-time sports on their health, prompting parents to join their kids in outdoor sports at a young age to inculcate the spirit of it and generate interest for the game. To conclude, in my opinion, playing games on a computer for long hours is harmful to young students and both parents and the universities or schools should work together in tackling the problem to create a healthy future generation.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
prefer computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
over
real
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
in the modern era, and this situation is having grave consequences on the present society. There are multiple reasons for this scenario and in the following essay, I would like to discuss its causes and remedies to combat them.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, advancement in technology is the major culprit for this scenario. It has become a lot easier for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
adolescents
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
their hands on devices like
Possible spelling mistake found.
PlayStations
, gaming consoles, virtual reality, multiplayer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
etc.
Hence
, they prefer these devices
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
over
real outdoor or indoor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
. With the latest graphics and gaming experience,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
are showing more interest in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
a game in a PC or a smartphone
rather
than going outside into the sun and sweat to play. To illustrate, according to a recent survey conducted in our university, the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
an online game called PUBG(Player Unknown Battlegrounds) was more than three times the total number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
participating in all available real-time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
in our college. This demonstrates the impact of e-gaming on students.

Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
are
also
contributing to the rise of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
opting for PC gaming
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
over
real-time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
. It has become
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
convenient for a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parent
to hand
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
over
mobile to a kid
rather
than taking him/her outside, to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
them busy for a long time. This habit is having serious effects on children's health.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Playing
for long hours sitting in front of a computer or on a mobile phone without any physical activity is making
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
obese.
For example
, recent statistics are showing the number of overweight
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
in the age group of 8-15 years have
nearly
quadrupled in the past decade in developed nations. This enunciates the monstrosity of the situation we are in.

Various things can
be done
to combat the issue such as restricting the usage of electronic devices by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
individuals, educating the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
about the harmful effects of e-gaming on their health, enlightening them with the benefits of outdoor or indoor real-time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
on their health, prompting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
join
their kids in outdoor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
at a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
age to inculcate the spirit of it and generate interest for the game.

To conclude
, in my opinion,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
on a computer for long hours is harmful to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
and both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
and the universities or schools should work together in tackling the problem to create a healthy future generation.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay TPO 32 - Question 4 Choice-Supportive Bias People often make decisions by considering the advantages and disadvantages of each option. However, after a person selects an option, there is a tendency for that person to exhibit the choice- supportive bias. A v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
407 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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