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TPO-32: Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Young people today have no influence on the important decisions that determine the future of society as a whole. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer. v.3

TPO-32: Young people today have no influence on the important decisions that determine the future of society as a whole. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer. v. 3
Views differ significantly on whether young people today is influential to the society. Some people thinks that young people is influencing the important decisions related to the future of the society, other people holds the opposite opinion. As far as I am concerned, young people definitely have influence on decisions determining the future of society as a whole. First of all, young people are the pioneers who adopt the new technology and then bring huge influence to the whole society. For example, Mark Zuckberg was only twenty year old when he found Facebook. At that time, nobody understood the idea of social media and the remarkable power behind it was not recognized, but Zuckberg adopted the new technology and lead us to the new world. Now he is not only a successful business owner but also an important people who is influencing the society by donating most of his money to help those people in need around the world. Moreover, young people are the most courageous in the society to express their opinion in public, thus having significant influence on the decisions made by the government. For example, young people nowadays are very good at using effective channels to speak out their voice, such as matching on the street and spreading out comment over Internet. Yet sometimes this type of activities organized by young people has gone across the line, it is undeniable that the government always comprise if too many people are involved. Last but not least, every move of the young generation is affecting the development of a country. For example, Japan' s economy has become so depressed because most Japanese young generation do not have the desire to fight for living like their previous generation did. The whole middle east is in a chaos because a group of young people who are extreme terrorists are taking the leadership of some organizations. For all the reasons stated above, I agree that young people today do have influence on the important decisions that determine the future of the society.
Views differ
significantly
on whether
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
is influential to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
thinks
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
is
influencing the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
decisions
related to the future of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
, other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
holds
the opposite opinion. As far as I
am concerned
,
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young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
definitely have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
influence
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
decisions
determining the future of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
as a whole.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are the pioneers who adopt the new technology and then bring huge
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
influence
to the whole society.

For example
, Mark
Possible spelling mistake found.
Zuckberg
was
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
twenty year
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
when he found Facebook. At that time, nobody understood the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
of social media and the remarkable power behind it was not recognized,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
Possible spelling mistake found.
Zuckberg
adopted the new technology and lead us to the new world.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Now
he is not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
a successful business owner
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who
Did you mean "am", "are", "aren"? Alternatively, check whether the singular of 'people' should be used.
is
influencing the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
by donating most of his money to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in need around the world.

Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are the most courageous in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
to express their opinion in public,
thus
having significant
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
influence
on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
decisions
made by the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
.
For example
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
nowadays are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
at using effective channels to speak out their voice, such as matching on the street and spreading out comment over Internet.
Yet
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
this type of activities organized by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
has
gone across the line, it is undeniable that the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
always comprise if too
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are involved
.

Last
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not least, every
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
generation is affecting the development of a country.
For example
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
Japan&
#039; s economy has become
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
depressed
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
most Japanese
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
generation do not have the desire to fight for living like their previous generation did. The whole
If the term is a proper noun, use initial capitals.
middle east
is in a chaos
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
a group of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who are extreme terrorists are taking the leadership of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
organizations.

For all the reasons stated above, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
do have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
influence
on the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
decisions
that determine the future of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
39Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
10Mistakes

IELTS essay TPO-32: Young people today have no influence on the important decisions that determine the future of society as a whole. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer. v. 3

Essay
  American English
6 paragraphs
340 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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