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TPO-20: Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Successful people try new things and take risks rather than only doing what they know how to do well. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer. v.2

TPO-20: Successful people try new things and take risks rather than only doing what they know how to do well. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer. v. 2
Nowadays, there has been hot debate on whether people should take risks and try new things rather than staying in their comfort zone. As far as I am concerned, what would successful people do is to keep trying new things instead of only doing what they know how to do well. First of all, risks come with opportunities, if people never take risks, they would never have opportunity to be successful or keep being successful. For example, Elon Musk, the owner of Tesla and SpaceX, was just a common guy with excellent talent when he was young. At that time, no one could expect he would become such successful entrepreneur as he is nowadays. However, because he was willing to take the risk to invest all his money into Paypal, SpaceX and later Tesla, in spite of the fact that all the other people considered it was too risky to do so, he gained the opportunity and became so successful. If Elon Musk stayed back and never took the risks in his business, those excellent companies would never exist. Moreover, people have to keep trying new things, in order to broaden their horizon and maintain their competiveness. Especially for the successful people, if they don' t keep up with the new things in the world, they will be abandoned by the society. For example, the CEO in the company that I am working for, is a middle-aged man who has never studied in university. Even though he is a very successful businessman who could afford to hire a translator, he is still studying English deligently every day, just in order to communicate with his foreign customers and employees without any barrier. I believe all the other successful people is doing the same thing, because they all understand that the competition in the modern society is very fierce, they should not satisfy with doing what they are comfortable with. In summary, I thinks successful people will always try new things and take risks rather than only doing what they know how to do well, because they have to do so to catch the opportunities and maintain their competitiveness.
Nowadays, there has been hot debate on whether
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should take
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
risks
and try
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
things
rather
than staying in their comfort zone. As far as I
am concerned
, what would
The word "successful" is an adjective and doesn't fit in this context. Did you mean the adverb "successfully"?
successful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do is to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
keep
trying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
things
instead
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doing
what they know how to do well.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
risks
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
opportunities
, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
never take
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
risks
, they would never have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
opportunity
to be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
successful
or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
keep
being
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
successful
.
For example
, Elon Musk, the owner of Tesla and SpaceX, was
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
a common guy with excellent talent when he was young. At that time, no one could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expect
he would become such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
successful
entrepreneur as he is nowadays.
However
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
he was willing to take the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
risk
to invest all his money into
Possible spelling mistake found.
Paypal
, SpaceX and later Tesla,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
in spite of
the fact that all the other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
considered it was too risky to do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
, he gained the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
opportunity
and became
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
successful
. If Elon Musk stayed back and never took the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
risks
in his business, those excellent
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
would never exist.

Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
keep
trying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
things, in order to broaden their horizon and maintain their
Possible spelling mistake found.
competiveness
.
Especially
for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
successful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, if they
Possible spelling mistake found.
don&
#039; t
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
keep
up with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
things in the world, they will
be abandoned
by the society.
For example
, the CEO in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
that I am working for, is a middle-aged
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
who has never studied in university.
Even though
he is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
successful
businessman who could afford to hire a translator, he is
still
studying English
Possible spelling mistake found.
deligently
every day,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
in order to communicate with his foreign customers and employees without any barrier. I believe all the other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
successful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doing
the same thing,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they all understand that the competition in the modern society is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
fierce, they should not satisfy with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doing
what they are comfortable with.

In summary, I
The pronoun 'I' must be used with a non-third-person form of a verb: "think"
thinks
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
successful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will always try
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
things and take
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
risks
rather
than
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doing
what they know how to do well,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
to catch the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
opportunities
and maintain their competitiveness.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
40Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay TPO-20: Successful people try new things and take risks rather than only doing what they know how to do well. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
357 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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