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TPO 32: Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Young people today have no influence on the important decisions that determine the future of society as a whole. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer v.4

TPO 32: Young people today have no influence on the important decisions that determine the future of society as a whole. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer v. 4
Throughout history, there were eras in which people were under the control of the governments and aristocratic groups and did not have the right to make decisions. However, the situation gradually changed and now people somewhat have the opportunity to participate in making the future of their society. In this regard, some people hold the view that these days youngsters have no influence on the important decisions which determine the future of their country. From my own perspective, this statement is not essentially correct due to some reasons. In the following paragraph, I will substantiate my viewpoint through two conspicuous reasons. The most prominent issue that one should consider is that nowadays most of the societies are governed by a democratic system in which chief government authorities are elected by people. For example, every four years between numbers of candidates one of them is assigned as president through the election. During the election, people play a pivotal role and their votes determine which one of the political parties would take the power. In most of the countries, a great majority of the population is youngsters and their participation in the elections and their choice is determinative and certainly influence the future of their society. For example in my country youngsters are advocates of the reformist' s party. Their extensive participation in the last two elections led to the dominance of the reformist' s party over their rival and dramatically changed the future of our countries. Another noticeable point coming to my mind is that besides political affairs, the future of a society highly depends on its human forces in industrial and scientific spheres. In most of the high tech companies, youngsters constitute a great portion of employees especially in research and development units and have creative ideas that if implemented, not only would be profitable for the company it would have positive impacts for the country. For instance, my supervisor has a science-based company and have employees who are all very young. They work on CT-scanners for medical applications. Once, one of the researchers proposed a creative idea about developing a dual-energy micro CT-scanner and it attracted my supervisor and they started to work on it. After almost two years they built the first dual-energy micro CT-scanner in my country. It was really profitable for the company. Furthermore, it released our country from importing this costly equipment from other countries and hence it was profitable for the government. To make the long story short, I think it is reasonable to draw the conclusion that these days youngsters have influence on the future of their society as they play a pivotal role in elections and also their key role in industrial and scientific areas is indispensable.
Throughout history, there were eras in which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
were under the control of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
and aristocratic groups and did not have the right to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
decisions.
However
, the situation
gradually
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
somewhat have the opportunity to participate in making the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
future
of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
. In this regard,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
hold the view that these days youngsters have no influence on the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
decisions which determine the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
future
of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
. From my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
perspective, this statement is not
essentially
correct due to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
reasons. In the following paragraph, I will substantiate my viewpoint through two conspicuous reasons.

The most prominent issue that one should consider is that nowadays most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
societies
are governed
by a democratic system in which chief
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
authorities
are elected
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
For example
, every four years between numbers of candidates one of them
is assigned
as president through the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
election
. During the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
election
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
play a pivotal role and their votes determine which one of the political parties would take the power. In most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
, a great majority of the population is youngsters and their participation in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
elections
and their choice is
Possible spelling mistake found.
determinative
and
certainly
influence the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
future
of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
.
For example
in my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
youngsters are advocates of the
Possible spelling mistake found.
reformist&
#039; s party. Their extensive participation in the last two
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
elections
led to the dominance of the
Possible spelling mistake found.
reformist&
#039; s party over their rival and
dramatically
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
future
of our countries.

Another noticeable point coming to my mind is that
besides
political affairs, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
future
of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
highly
depends on its human forces in industrial and scientific spheres. In most of the high tech
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
, youngsters constitute a great portion of employees
especially
in research and development units and have creative
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
that if implemented, not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
would be profitable for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
it would have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
impacts for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
.
For instance
, my supervisor has a science-based
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
and have employees who are all
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
young. They work on CT-scanners for medical applications. Once, one of the researchers proposed a creative
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
about developing a dual-energy micro CT-scanner and it attracted my
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
supervisor and
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
to work on it.
“After” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
After
almost two years they built the
first
dual-energy micro CT-scanner in my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
. It was
really
profitable for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
.
Furthermore
, it released our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
from importing this costly equipment from other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
and
hence
it was profitable for the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the long story short, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
it is reasonable to draw the conclusion that these days youngsters have influence on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
future
of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
as they play a pivotal role in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
elections
and
also
their key role in industrial and scientific areas is indispensable.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
32Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes

IELTS essay TPO 32: Young people today have no influence on the important decisions that determine the future of society as a whole. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer v. 4

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
455 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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